I scream at you, I almost deafen you
I whisper and that strains your ears
I dazzle you with much light, I spoil your sight
I light the candles at night, it's too dim
I see you all the time, I am too clingy
I go for a day, you cannot live without me!
We need to talk............
- Female Music Lovers group list • next in list
A contest entry
- (Men & Women ) What women do wrong to mess up their Relationships?What men do wrong to mess up their Relationships? by cali951.
450 points, ended June 13, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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It's great. I love it. Very well said and well put. I don't know how many times I've said exactly that, We need to talk, to my husband and somehow sooner or later we always end up back at square one all over again. I love it!
~Lanivity
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we need to talk.... the words drew me in bcuz i have said this too many a guy, very powerful and very heart wrenching at the same time, i love it!!!!
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Never enough and too much all at once. You share that well with the reader. Simple and sweet. This is the type of poem that I know most can relate to. There's a; "damned if I do, damned if I don't" feel to this poetry.
[psa] -
Yup, think a chat is certainly in order. That book title - Men are from Mars, Women from Venus says it all- two opposites that can't look at the same thing and get the same result - come at it from completely different viewpoints. Enjoyed this read.
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brilliant
this is truly amazing...wht a poem1 im going to read it over n over agian! -
YES
Those dreaded two words -
I like this poem short and sweet and straight to the point hey at least your being truthful
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Wow, this is great. YOu have made this amazing. I enjoy every line as they always give something different. Very original. Well done.
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I lov the ending much importantly but too much periods. You need only three which is of writing knowledge yet nice write.
Keep writing it as sincere and quite emoitonal i love hte flow especially ending in a seventh lin -
I think this should be the winner.
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Thanks.It means a lot to me for you to think of my poem as a winner. Never made it though....thanks
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Thanks.It means a lot to me for you to think of my poem as a winner. Never made it though....thanks
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Nice write..Im sure your point would be well taken your message is very clear
Best wishes
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A concept that may not be the best for an upbeat contest, but it will have to do, I guess. Your fifth and sixth lines present some confusion.
You write:
"... I am too clingy
I go for a day, you cannot live without me!"
Who is to be the clingy one, you or the person you're writing about? Do you see what I'm getting at? -
well, you certainly made the point in this one. i wish you the best of luck in this contest. viyanna rosemarie
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Smart
How very true-love the examples you give. Really liked the killer last line..we need to talk, says so much in those four words!
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Good points in your poem. Sometimes things just can't get on an even stand.
You've described those frustrating times quite well.
Nice job.
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