Will you
won't you
will you
won't you
join the dance?
Her words slur as she grabs his hand,
lifts the
goofy
smiling
body
from the couch
and thrusts her pelvis into his.
Doesn't cheap beer
bring out the slut in everyone?
She presses her lips to his cheek,
thinking that makes her coy,
but his hand down the back of her pants
negates the point.
They dance in a rhythmic beat,
ignoring the tune
of the acoustic guitar and fiddle
in the old country classic
...playing.
Somebody runs in
with a bottle of Jose.
They all holler and pass it around.
The girl with the boy
takes a swig, hands it off
and loses her footing.
they both go tumbling unto the dusty couch
and she decides to kiss him
Doesn't tequila
bring out the slut in everyone?
Tonight,
Everything's a myth.
and even though it looks sad
and plastic
Underneath it all,
this boy underneath her
is a friend of six years,
he's graduating in June
because he copied all her answers
he made her laugh
on dreary tired Monday mornings
(they take care of their own.)
but in a few months, they'll all be gone.
and in some new place with new kids,
who probably won't know all the words to their favorite songs
or love the smell of campfire on a hungover morning.
He bites her earlobe
and that hot shiver down her spine
is just one more memory to keep.
He whispers, "I'll never forget."
And that lie is all she needed to hear
Doesn't fear
bring out the slut in everyone?
Author notes
Option 1. Quotes, "Will you won't you will you won't you join the dance?"
A contest entry
- No one else can live it for you (options) by Stormy Sky.
400 points, ended March 9, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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8.9
I enjoyed the recurrent theme of longing and neediness and how we use harsh language to disguse our motives. -
10.00
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9.1
I loved the musty imagery in this, the subtle sexiness & I love it even after my like, 3rd read of it in my life. haha :] -
9.1
I found this to be excellent. The emotion was riveting for me and it built to a wonderful climax. The repetition throughout helped with that. Just wonderfully done.
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Great imagery and an honesty that is easily felt, good tempo and flow. I liked this one a lot. I give it two thumbs up, oops that's Siskel and Ebert, lol, I give it an 8.8, hugs, Bunny
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8.9
I really enjoyed this one. The creepy thing about the piece is the honesty too it. Sure - I've the same "honesty" in pieces before, but it has never come in the feeling that I was right there, watching the people take on this situations. I thought your descriptions and the imagery was really well done and the ending was really cool.
Honesty in poetry is a powerful tool
Well done.
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Hmmm.
I loved your ending & I loved your beginning. The middle kind of threw me though. I think you could have explained their past a little bit better, a little more poetic.
The poem was hot though. Really, it was. I could just picture everything happening.
Other than the middle of the poem, the only problem with the poem is that it is older than the 8 month cut off I have on the contest.
So feel free to enter in something else.
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This was simply wonderful, so wonderful that I cannot find the words to express how I'm feeling right now. Maybe because I can relate to it so strongly on a personal level, the way it ended made me cry. It can also be the unexpectedness of the sadness and deep emotion in the end, for it begins with a girl too drunk & too lost in partying and makes the reader think that it will continue on that line. During the first two thirds of the poem, I thought I was reading a light-hearted piece, and what came next was like being slapped on the face. Intriguing title. It became even more meaningful after I finished reading the poem. I especially liked these lines: "he's graduating in June/ because he copied all her answers/he made her laugh/on dreary tired Monday mornings." To me, it realys the message that the girl is the more giving and mroe caring side of this friendship. "Doesn't fear bring out the slut in everyone?" I guess it does. It has that effect on me, at least.
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Truly awe-inspiring. Your words provoke interest, and I especially enjoyed your description "everything looks plastic". Your flow isn't tiresome and redundant as most are, and I appreciate your lack of form, which to me is the very essence of art. Why this poem is not being read by more people on this site is very stymieing. Amazing read.
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funny
This poem was funny. I don't how to explain how it made me laugh but it did. I thank you for sharing and am glad to see that it won a place in the contest. Thanks again.
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beautiful write Angie. Such a fresh and unique way of looking at the word! cheers
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I like the combination of the two. They're both very different from each other. I'm very happy with the way your poem came out. good write and good luck.
~stormy
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