The sidewalk was claustrophobic
Cluttered in the apparition of
uncontrollable someones.
Rain as it was
in the dripping
faucet
of the clouds.
The cutting points of
sharp incision upon
my face.
But, I am not scared.
I tried to walk carefully through
the maze.
Breathing in the
perfume of all the women
surrounding the Music Box.
Surrounding me.
I slipped carefully,
slouching through the dark of it.
Molding to the skin of others.
Trying to get away.
I turn,
from the
efforts of people flooding to the
frame work of the lattice.
I felt alone,
and I liked that.
Author notes
The picture it was based off of:
http://www.johnrosenthal.com/gallery-lg-htm/gallery-archiv-Matinee.htm
So, this isn't my best writing.
But I gave it a shot.
I hope that you had fun with this contest
and it wasn't as weird as the other one lol.
Heather;<3.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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wow
i was just looking back on my old poetry, and you were the first person to ever leave me a comment on allpoetry, on my very first poem ever. So here i am, leaving you a comment on your most recent:
this poem is great. i've always loved the short, thin poems that pack heat with every word, and thats exactly how this one is. your metaphor for the rain:
"rain as it was
in the dripping faucet
of the clouds."
was particularly compelling.
your writing is wonderful.
Keep on being you
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....yea..haha
more...
that ending was perfect....
I'm done now... -
ooohhhh my
please marry me..oohh me oh my
I am completely blown away..and utterly speechless except for the few words I am able to lay out here and now to you for you about you on this.....woow...I can only speak jibber jabber...ha!!
ok..but this part
"I slipped carefully,
slouching through the dark of it.
Molding to the skin of others.
Trying to get away."
it is...my favorite...basically the best thing I have read in the last month or so of my life..uuum..it's like that thing they talk about..whats it called...uh..god..yea..the god version of words...I do believe...ehk!
and the top there
"Cluttered in the apparition of
uncontrollable someones."
that line is so much like the style of e.e.cummings..and I myself love e.e.cummings with a passion...so that means I must love that line with a passion..you are a brilliant writer...you have this standoutish cleverness in your words...wow..I have been blown away...you are amazing..I need more
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Thanks so much for your comment. I really appreciated it, and I am glad that you liked it so much. Now, I might have to disagree with the comment about e.e.cummings.. I really don't think I can compare with his words in any way.. but it is still a nice thought to think someone thinks I do. ;p
Thanks again hunnie,
Heather. -
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oh yea...and..that "was was" part...is that...
supposed...
to be there...? -
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Nope, it wasn't..
and I don't even know how I missed that.
Wow, I'm slow lol.
Thanks!
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Slinking around through life? This was a great write! Even without the photo, it would evoke the same imagery.
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That's a really great picture that you used!
It was really inspiring and it made me think of poetry when I looked at it too. I thought your own poem was perfect though. The tone was kind of causal and glided along and that's just how it seemed in the picture. And I could see you as some quiet girl that keeps to herself and that was a great personal touch.
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This wasn't bad, in fact I enjoyed reading it. In my opinion I felt that it was pretty well written. Oh, and to your author comment, yes I did have fun and it wasn't as weird. I hope you had fun entering this piece. Thank you for entering. Good luck. God Bless!
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Thanks, I'm glad that you liked it. I really enjoyed writing it and the picture was astonishing. Thanks again for the comment and good luck judging!.<3.
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