BLIND
I REALLY JUST WANT PEACE IN MY MIND
CAUSE ALOT OF F*** UP S*** BEEN HAPPENING LATELY
AND I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY
AND I'M ALL ALONE ON THIS
NOBODY CAN HELP ME
I'M JUST SEARCHING 4 THIS PATH I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND
IT'S LIKE I'M BLIND AT TIMES YA KNOW
OR IT'S LIKE SOMEONE BURIED ME ALIVE
OR THE DEVIL HAS TAKEN OVER ME
JUST THERE HURTING AND BLEEDING AND DYING
IT'S HARD
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE RIGHT
IN YOUR MIND
OR ANYONE ELSES
A contest entry
- March New Member's Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended April 6, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Definately one of those moments of disaster that almost consumes us. I think a lot of people can relate to the emotion of your piece. I would only suggest that rather than using all caps, you might consider doing it all without any caps at all. It is less distracting to the eye. Your line breaks are good so you really don't need any punctuation.
Thanks for your entry and best of luck in the contest -
Very powerful poem full of emotions. Seemed to be more of a venting poem, but it was still good all the same. Thanks for entering our contest
--Tim -
Thank you for entering.
It is good that you are able to write of what is troubling you, that can be a relief when we need an avenue of escape. Life can be difficult for us all, especially in today's world where the problems seem to be getting much worse.
Using capital letters for the first word of each line is a good idea, however, for all the piece to be penned in capital letters has an adverse effect on your reader.
The criteria for the contest is about the Red Cross, that seems to be missing here, however thank you for taking the time and effort of entering. I do encourage you to keep up with your writing
~Katie~
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Thanks for your entry
It is clear that you are not in a very good place with your life right now and it's good to see you write these feelings down because they can often help.
Welcome to the site. I also agree that you relook at not using caps when writing. We are all able to read without them and your words make you point without them.
Read other works around the site, how people express their feelings too. Reading and commenting helps us all grow as poets
Gaylene
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Um...
Never been a fan of the rap rhymes, dawg. However I am pretty lenient as long as it is a good poem. In your case I would go back to the books for awhile, read up on some good grammar and language choice. There's nothing that turns me off about a poem more than four and five letter words that everyone hears a hundred times a day. Nice try, though. -
Thanks for your entry
As this is a contest for all ages and as the rules clearly state you need to remove the foul language from your entry. Everyones life has troubles but I think you can better express yourself without resorting to curse words.
Good luck in the contest and welcome to allpoetry. I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God bless
Tammy -
Thanks for entering
This is a good poem but I would suggest you relook it a bit to make it more fitting for the contest. For one can clearly see you need the help, now you need to share with us the help given to you.
You should also truly consider typing in sentence case, ie. not only in CAPS as this will also make it easier to read online
Hope to hear from your soon.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary
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