It was the same as any other night.
Street light fizzling, strolling the darkened park path,
the bitter sting of winter’s wind
bites hard against his face.
He hears the thud of faint, frightening footsteps
ever-slowly growing closer.
His pace quickens, pulsating in his throat,
posture grows defensive.
Rustling bushes beside him
send waves of fear coursing through his body,
as out of the bushes darts a squirrel.
He ridicules himself, as onward, he walks.
With one smooth, swift motion from behind,
he’s brought to his knees, dizzying fade to black.
*
*
*
He awakens, alone...in The Room,
shrouded in solitude,
silent, but for his own shrill,
shrieking cries of torment and torture.
Eerily echoing, reverberating,
bouncing back from four damp, dank walls.
Enclosed, encased, entombed in a grey cell,
dim bare bulb hangs by thin, frayed wire.
Captive in concrete cataplasm,
cowering in the corner,
his limp legs laying amidst bat droppings.
Satanic stench of death dormant in his lungs.
Trembling, trapped in this terror,
gripping his knees, cradling, rocking.
Beads of cold sweat slip, drip
from battered, black and blue chilled skin.
Shaking hands run ‘cross his head
through blood crusted hair.
Sinister screams to the night, unaware...he’s here, somewhere.
*
*
*
Once again, he hears the haunting thud
of faint, frightening footsteps
growing ever-louder, ever-closer,
and with a chain-clanking crash
the door swings open
and pure, wicked evil enters...The Room.
Author notes
This is based on a video project my son, Eric, created for a videography class at the Art Institute in Pittsburgh. The video turned out so well, it earned him a feature at the Sundance Film Festival this year!! I borrowed your base idea, honey, and twisted it a different direction!
2. Stalkers
~ Write about being stalked… or write what you think would be going through the mind of a stalker. (Make it dark & real, send chills up my spine!)
3. Murder
~Write about a murder most foul. Write about what’s going through the mind of the killer or what’s going through the mind of the victim. Or just write about murder in general.
"a murder most foul"
image from deviantART.com
In a list
A contest entry
- Mini Challenge....Round 2 of 3......INVITE ONLY! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 13, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Demented, why not!?!! by wanderingstarlet.
432 points, ended April 17, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GIVE ME DARKNESS!!! by joleahe.
314 points, ended April 26, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fear -- Make Me Feel It by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended May 1, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Frightful This Way Comes by Tom The Invader.
450 points, ended June 21, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me scream by WanderingCyclone.
460 points, ended June 12, 2007, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nightmares, Stalkers & Murder…Oh My! by vampireblood.
400 points, ended June 17, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Wow, this was amazing. I love the imagery you put into this poem. I agree with one of the other comments made, it does remind me of the Saw movies. I love it! Thanks for entering my contest, and best of luck to you my dear. =]
~~~Vampy~~~ -
Hmmmm
This reminded me rather of the Saw movies. It was very well done, though. -
I read this once before.. I like it a lot. Reminds me of a creepy computer game I had played once before, called the red room. good luck.
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Dark and demented is only some of the words left to describe this piece. I love the way you finish this write... I just wanted to know who the dark person was and what happened to the guy in the room. Eerie and creep you used imagery well to convey a perfect scription of fear. Well done, I thoroughly enjoyed this write.
xxx
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pretty good. kept me reading, but i would have preferred more gore or something... that's just me. thx for entering!
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"Once again, he hears the haunting thud
of faint, frightening footsteps
growing ever-louder, ever-closer,
and with a chain-clanking crash
the door swings open
and pure, wicked evil enters...The Room."
Was my favorite part... good job and thanks for entering my contest. -
Good work!!! Best of Luck!
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this was great, i would love to see the ending, well done and good luck
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I enjoyed this piece of writing quite alot, especially the first verse, though shame you didnt finish of the poem I would of liked to have read it all, good luck in my contest and thanks for entering.
P.S Giant Monkeys did make a recrate the film casino but there was to much monkeying around to finish the production. -
Wow-
Firstly, Congratulations on Your trophy win on such a fine Dark piece and I don't normally read Dark from You so this is one Beauty~ that comes to Life in the eyes of the Reader~
also Congratulations on Your son for placing in the Sundance Film Festival
I just wanna cry as a mother for I am sooooooooooo
Proud of his achievement and I'm not even his mother
but imagine You beaming with Pride for that is
one Awesome accomplishment!!!
(You are a Creative one
so I wonder where he
got those traits from..
)
He has more Wonderful
in store...
Many opportunities for growth at this festival..
... I wish him much Success in his endeavors!!
Look forward to seeing You the next round!
Keep that ink flowing!!
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Thank you so much, Desire! Your lovely comment is greatly appreciated! I don't typically write much dark poetry but this challenge gave me the opportunity to try my hand at it and I must say, I rather enjoyed it! My son's video work was great inspiration. You have NO IDEA how proud I am of him! Beaming! I will certainly pass along your well wishes to him! Thank you so much for giving this a read!
~Lori -
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Can I have his autograph now
Might as well have it early and frame it
He will do well!!
You Proud Momma You!!!
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Lori,
Can I get away with just leaving a simple comment here and agree with everything B said including the portion she pulled forth in her comment? She seems to have stolen my comment and my favorite portion of this piece. I just see no point in saying the samething.....hmm I could just copy and paste her comment
In all honesty, I seriously have to agree with her. Your words are stark and the images are eerie indeed. Thank for entering and good luck!
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Thanks so much, Bel! Your comment is very much appreciated. I'm glad I was able to spook you! Writing dark isn't typically my strong point so I'm pleased that you enjoyed this piece! Thanks for the Gold - I'm shocked!
~Lori
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Wow lil sis this is a dark and twisted tale. Good imagery and descriptions, wonderful turn of events in the write. Thats cool about your son Eric, very awesome. Good luck in the contest Lori and thanks for sharing.
Love ya,
Charley
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Thanks Charley! Glad you enjoyed this dark piece and thanks for your wonderful words on my son's accomplishments! I'm sooo proud of him!
~Lori
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'He awakens, alone...in The Room,
shrouded in solitude,
silent, but for his own shrill,
shrieking cries of torment and torture.
Eerily echoing, reverberating,
bouncing back from four damp, dank walls.
Enclosed, encased, entombed in a grey cell,
dim bare bulb hangs by thin, frayed wire.
Captive in concrete cataplasm,
cowering in the corner,'
Never have I liked pulled an excerpt from someone's write but in this case the eerieness of this was well formed and the setting images are strong. keep penning and good luck -
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Thanks for the excellent comment, Rae! It's much appreciated! I'm honored that you felt compelled to extract a particular portion of this write that moved you. Glad I was able to spook you! Thanks!
~Lori
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Interesting..
... very very interesting. Great imagery. Great flow and technique. I found this very suspenseful, but amazing. You have wonderful talent for imagery. I'm glad I read this. Kassie -
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Thanks Kassie for your great comment on this piece! Much appreciated!
~Lori
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really great descriptive piece Lori- when i first saw the picture i wasn't sure if i wanted to read this, but its definitely worth the read. lol
-S
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Thanks Shirley! I'm usually not one for writing like this but Bel and Rae are challenging me so I had to give it a shot! You should see the video my son produced of a similar idea for a college project. Gave me the heebie-jeebies for days. Scared the shit out of me! Earned him a spot to be featured at Sundance Film Festival this year, YAY!
~Lori -
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really? wow- thats awesome, and i love scary films even if i'm not supposed to watch them lol is it online anywhere, like youtube or myspace or something? congrats to your son, lol, you sound like such a proud mom, its cute.
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nice imagery INK...ummm who entered the room? BART SIMPSON?...seriously that poem kicked ASS
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LMAO Thanks soldiersoul! Your great comment is much appreciated! Bone chilling dark isn't really my forte, but I gave it a shot for this contest. My son's idea was the inspiration. He's a superb videographer with a knack for the scary stuff. Thanks for reading!
~Lori
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