For you
I could be
Whatever you ache for me
Sculpted like a figurine
hand-picked perfection
Pirouetting through possibility
Paint me into damask beauty:
Be sure to hide every trace
of untouched canvas
For you, My love,
I am Everything.
Author notes
40 words for a contest and inspired by a link of pictures.
I think that we all have a tendancy to change ourselves for our environments and company... for example, at work I'm positive and professional. With my friends, I act like a neurotic kid.
I guess that this poem is about falling in love and taking a new form yet again... but to everything which the lover would find to be perfect. It's about constantly evolving, much like the pictures. You choose an appealing one and click... the image evolves. You choose another appealing part and click, the image evolves again... Its also about having no real set identity because the personality is always shifting from one to the next on demand.
In the final line, I originally chose the word 'anything' and later revised to 'everything.' I still can't decide which is more appropriate.
A contest entry
- Forty Words - Around The World And Back Again by DancingRed.
300 points, ended March 10, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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the problem with love poems is that it is so hard to write without saying something that has already been said. there is that topic of complete subjugation under the lover's spell, which is something i loathe and which is so characteristic of your poetry. you love masochism, don't you? yet i can't help feel that this is a very original poem.
the first 3 lines are a decent opener. it is a nice twist to the old line "i will do whatever you wish for yourself". however in these lines the lover is willing to change her self for the sake of someone else, which to me seems to go a bit beyond the sense of the old line.
the 2nd stz was completely unpredictable. i could expect the first two lines but "pirouetting through possibility" was a total surprise. very, very beautiful, both in sense and in sound.
in the lines "paint me... untouched canvas" i couldn't help thinking about those nude models with their painted body as their only clothe.
the last lines recall the first. however these lines are more confident, assertive, and if i may say so, more aggressive. it is also ironic in that it is no longer a wish to be what ever somebody else dictates but rather a dictation, a wish to impose one's will over another, to confine the world of the beloved to the sphere of the speaker.
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Lol, I just can't help it.... the concepts of the women that I portray just fascinate me. There's a certain "je ne sais quoi" in the extreme submission which is undeniable... it goes beyond the every day boundaries of love into some kind of delusional blurred reality. It's unhinged and yet it seems so very rational when penned.
Anyway, thank you for yet another spectacular comment. I feel as though this poem was a weak one for me and I think that its weaknessess showed through your comment... it just doesn't fit, does it? I actually loved the last paragraph of your comment- it was the one thing in the poem that i was certain of, and that I had intentionally geared towards, subtle as that determination in the last two lines may seem.
~Faded
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"For you, My love, I am Everything. " - the ultimate, purest expression of love. I feel it has a lot more power than the phrase 'anything', so good choice of change there.
I enjoyed the interesting layout of the poem - indents and line breaks make a very attractive piece (although personally I don't like capitals all that much).
At first I didn't like the way you used the word 'damask' - upon first reading I thought it slowed the poem down way too much, sounding like sandpaper instead of beauty. However, after a few more readings I think it fits very well indeed - and the 'mask' part of the word even fits in with 'hide' of the next line. I like that, whether intentional or not.
Thank you for entering this poetic piece in my contest. I'm glad you were inspired by that delightful link I stumbled across.
DancingRed.
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I think it's a wonderful description of how you want your lover to depict you. You were absolutely detailed in the few words you chose to craft your masterpiece. You shall not wonder any longer between the words "anything" and "everything" for the latter fits the poem to a "T" without a doubt! Good luck in the contest!
Ted E
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