And you sat there
holding my hand
you made my thoughts
travel distant lands
You sank to the ground
in a pool of red velvet
and the tears flowed
all around us
but you smiled
that made it all right
the Lady said to me
come stay a while with me
the Lady stole a kiss from me
and sang soft so sweetly
she told me Know,
wherever you go
they'll be no one who knows
till your tears well and flow
And there will come a time
you see each other's eyes
you join hands together
your souls upward fly
And you sat there
holding my hand
and as you sat there
you had me at your command
those Times are over
our souls have split
i've gone all strange
you've gone with It
but late in the deep
dark of the night
i recall your face
it turns dark to light
And i look in your eyes
i see myself there
and i see also
what i don't dare
don't ever change
stay as you are
burning by night
the northern Star
we both drank from the Chalice
aye, faith, we can see
we held hands together
by the shore of the sea
And you sat
holding my hand
your hair tied like silk
in a black velvet band
there you sit
holding my hand
and worlds and worlds
are at your command
Author notes
I wrote this when I was ready to get over something (okay, somebody) but also wanted to preserve some of the feelings I had for them. Something like that.
On a technical note, I think the third stanza could stand improvement. Say what else you will.
A contest entry
- How Are You Feeling? ((PRE-WRITES ALLOWED!)) by A Murderous Lament.
390 points, ended April 28, 2007, 167 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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this was a great write and i can really relate to this write..it touched home for me..your words were very powerful and emotional as well...keep writting your very talented and good luck in the contest
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Thanks.
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Memories of a lost love put into stanzas. This is pretty how you did it. The imagery of a medieval time period adds to some interest. But all in all a very deep and moving write. Welcome to All Poetry and I hope you enjoy your stay here
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Very emotive and compelling piece. It's easy to see where the feelings are driving you. On a critical note, there are a few places that might need a bit of polish to lend more power and potency to this piece. The third and fourth stanza are too repetitive with the use of the words 'me' and 'know', also you have five stanzas beginning with the word 'and'. I think you could really strengthen this write with an edit. Overall, good cause and effect of emotion. Keep feeding the creative need and don't stop writing!
~Lori
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Good thoughts. Thanks for the comment.
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oh yea, i meant to tell you this on my last comment, but i'm forgetfull, but i love the title.. it works really well. <3
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A beautiful poem for a lost love. I thought the second stanza should be shortened to correspond to the four line length of the others. I would move the last two lines to the final stanza and add two more, perhaps "I'll hold your heart as we say goodnight". I also think this poem deserves an appropriate title.
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i like the third stanza, but the one following it stuck a bit- maybe work on them both some- i wasn't too sure about the random capitalization at certain places, but since i rarely use it in writing i'm not a good person to judge that-
good luck getting over that someone, i hope you do climb over the dead end memories and live an awesome life-
-S -
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Thanks. I may have to revise the whole thing, as it's the oldest thing I've written that I'll actually show people.
In case you were wondering, I'm basically over them-I didn't know it at the time, but writing this was the turning point. Anyway, thanks for the comment! -
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thats really awesome, i love to see people suceed- its inspiring... and, i don't show people my old works either lol, i know i'd scare everyone away.
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