backgrounds of gray and silver
illuminate the darkness, suffocating
lights array the whitish faces
caressing like doom’s satin quilts,
inside cellar’s ecstatic-horror chamber
where subdued cries come dancing
in the terror,
police squads of family men become
the participants of an obstinate object;
endearing this perverse game,
chafing worries on mangled branches
stained with banshee dread and flailing hands
reaching, attempting attainment of
finale hopes,
skidded away in the blisters of bark,
alarmed and anguished children
stand before a harnessed crowd of furled
faces, an exquisite dusk hangs in their
petrified eyes,
only damp dishcloth- significant words
utter from pale impure lips,
burnt ashes of newspaper articles would
recite the burning fire of deathly murders,
purified parents [or yesterday’s sadness]
would warn their kids of the crimes,
they say impacts of tarantula terror
shreds in the air of scraping rage,
machete blades in adequate timing, mincing
concrete flooring and flesh in unison,
chanting--
the deepest voice of punishment
‘forevermore your pierced flesh--
my clothing of vehemence doorways
your blood on my tongue
burning my throat in acidic decades,’
in tomorrow’s passionate purgatory
on the reflecting black, pale evil polishes,
turning around--
nothing is there but the cordial, murky thrill lurking
down the spine.
Author notes
I scared myself... not a good poem to write when your home alone in your basement with the lights turned out.
A contest entry
- Mini Challenge....Round 2 of 3......INVITE ONLY! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 13, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell Me How It Is! by Luna-.
505 points, ended April 2, 2007, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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WOW
THIS IS AMAZING! It kept me hooked all the way through, KUDOS! THE IMAGERY WAS STUNNING! As was the title of this poem, very fitting......VERY CHAOTIC! I'M AT A LOSS FOR WORDS, MORBIDLY BEAUTIFUL!
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This is a great scary tale, I love your imagery and descriptions. Your words give the readers a wonderful picture of what goes on here. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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You have left much food for thought in the sense of darkness within this piece. Your words are deep and alluring in a shadowed nature. I can only repeat the sentiments that B has already spoken of this being abstract and still a very good piece of darkness. Thank for entering and good luck!
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Abstract of darkness...
....that's the best way to describe this piece. good luck and keep penning -
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thank-you
I was very pleased with this piece
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Cool!
Originality: 10/10
Creativity: 10/10
Sound flow/consistency: 9/10 [some spots it seemed like a run on sentence and it sort of made me wonder 'will this sentence ever stop' and kind of threw me off pace]
Ideas flow/consistency: 9/10 the ideas flowed, but wasnt sure if some things totally connected or not.
Imagery connects: 8/10 you had sport of imagery that connected, but the imagery itself i felt this needed a bit more.
abstraction/imagery is balanced: 8/10 still needs a bit more imagery. Like, hard core WOW imagery. you know?
Enjoyment: 8/10
Line breaks [if appropriate]/emphasis: 8/10 good job. but i thought the lines were too long and i found myself getting lost and you lost my attention.
Length/organization: 9/10 i think it could have been told just a bit shorter.
Poem is understandable: 10/10
total: 89/100 good job.
forive me if my math is wrong.
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Thanks Tyler, I can see where all of your ideas are coming from
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you crazy those are the best time to write a poem like this, it is golden you did ag reat job on this keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Hehe... you dork... of course not a good thing to do! Well I guess I've done the same... writing a scary poem about a babysitter whom is brutally murdered, wrote it while babysitting... but mine wasn't as great as yours! Rcok on! xoxo mEg
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lol, I'm sure it was lol I like my new pic tooo thanks for the comment.. meant to rate it 5 but click for my accident looks like you miss out on the extra 2 points
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Wow what more can I say. WOW!
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Thank-you
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