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Whistling with an Acorn in 66 Words

Mom picked up a hollowed cap of acorn,
held it between her fists, raised it to her mouth,
but then paused:

"Jadrian, would you like to try?"

She showed me how to cradle it
between thumbs and forefingers,
how to press lips to knuckles
like a kiss.

"Blow," she said.

I can't recall which was wider:
my astonished eyes
or the howling expanse of the whistle.

In a list

A contest entry

Constructive critique always welcome

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Cat
    June 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    - very nice detail- nicely captured moment

  • marrow
    March 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the win, man!
    totally deserved win.

    noah

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    March 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is excellent and I am so glad that you came back and didn't get discouraged with me last time.

    I don't know if this was taken from real life, if it was then your smile is widely felt and if not, then your writing is extremely convincing. Really nicely done.


    • giggety
      March 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      True life memory with mom. And have no worries...I don't get discouraged so easily


  • SurelyWritten
    March 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    definitely a lovely image- the snippet of a memory brought me back to some of the times i shared with my mom, most of them laughing at one another for our clumsy moments, but still, its nice to go back to every now and then.. good luck

    -S


  • flight
    March 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Agreed with umm...noah ahha (I'm used to
    his other name.)
    But yeah, this is awesome!!
    I love using dialogue in my poems also,
    but of course in a different sort of style.
    Though I never knew this, you can make a whistle
    sound with an acorn cap??
    Cool! I have acorn caps all over the place.
    This is a pretty write!
    Hopefully I'll read some more of your stuff,
    you seem like a unique & inspiring poet!

    peace to all ~flight

  • marrow
    March 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    extremely well- written, profound write.
    i see that you're new to thhe site, man. any questions you have, feel free to ask me. we're having some bad weather, so to speak, on the site... but all the kinds should be out shortly.

    i think i'll be adding you to my list of favorites. you seem like a writer that i really could get used to reading.

    noah

1 - 7 of 7