the dial tone
held a hint of your voice,
telling me that you had fled the night,
chasing down the sun--
wishing i was there.
you were below the oak tree,
praying and dreaming all at once;
the molding of two worlds.
i watched my limbs
cradle words and flake like bark,
as the truth of what once was
peeled onto the ground
in heaps.
Author notes
the title works in my head, because i know the full story.
anyways, this goes along with my earlier pieces and our conversation this morning. you may understand some of this, now.
thanks for the contest. i didn't think i'd think of anything, been remembered this immediately.
A contest entry
- overnight: oak by Melissa Gayle.
300 points, ended March 7, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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An interesting write...
An interesting write; having more background on the full story would help me to better appreciate this piece; enjoyed what was written. --Joe
Perhaps you would like a poem of mine -
"Original Sins"
The link is: http://allpoetry.com/poem/2514970 -
great, i love the emotion keep up the good work...
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thank you very much.
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There is almost a feeling of rebirth in this, a quite force that comes to understand and feel. That is one thing that you will always do, you don't close yourself off to feelings. This is beautiful.
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thank you very much, melissa.
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Excellent
I really enjoyed this. Wishing I had written this{i watched my limbs
cradle words and flake like bark,
as the truth of what once was
peeled onto the ground}
Joe
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i love this peice because it say a lot of thing that i have done in my life and one of them is fleeing from the cops...there is no other word for this poem other than *wounderful*
REALLY REALLY great write...
Caycee♥
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Wow
A big WOW!!! this was so beautiful and makes me want to cry for some reason.The words seem so fragile and delicate.Like reading from rice paper.Damn well I'll have to catch up on the new posts later.You rock Mr.
~helen
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praying and dreaming all at once;
"praying and dreaming all at once;"
you are awesome at writing spiritual poetry.
this quote above is what they were trying to get us to do in confirmation class/sunday school the other day, they said it was meditating... but it was too hard, I can never seem to focus enough.
Splendid works.
~Ryan~ -
oh wow.
You are an amazing writer. Without knowing the background story of this poem, I still get this feeling of attachment and something broken, like never be the same I guess.
It's a bit hard for me to really say what this poem feels like to me because it's like looking at something too great for words to encompass, for me to even really comprehend, except for the knowledge that it is indeed great. Reminds me a bit of one of those black and white love movies, except maybe one that was more of an indie shot.
Beautiful writing, good luck in the contest!
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This is amazing. I love your way with words.
Excellent job and best of luck!
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thank you man!
it's a really personal one for me, so i'm glad that it's being well received.
j
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i have this obsession with truth in poetry lately, i like it here.. the title works well, perhaps because i can put one of my own memories in to the words..
great write
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OMG, awesome image
Such a wonderful book.
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lol, thanks- its my favorite book
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thank you.
the title refers to the place, but i sort of love the mobile thought as well. like, the child's thing. both work for the poem on different levels.
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