You rip apart my soul with your smile's creation
You talk to my heart like its a deviation -
from social normality and all the reality
This desperation is like cancer's profanity
That floats to the surface, amidst propaganda
Taking a look, at your life river's meander
We sail on tall ships, into the winds of tomorrow
To change our futures, we'll beg, steal and borrow.
You cant sell the past to make a healthy living
Your greatest sin is your lack of forgiving
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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dang....awsome poem!
this poem rocks....i really like the line:"Your greatest sin is your lack of forgiving" very nice! laterz amy!
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thanks very much glad you liked it take care have a good day!
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Something tellls me you're discovering the world
Really, to read your poetry is to see through eyes which view the world from high above, from an eagle's erie (sic) or some Himalayan peak. Yet the use of language in this one at times fall short and takes the long fall down, down...
"rip apart" plus soul got 60,900 hits on google. Here are a couple:
"and my soul is yours to slowly rip apart.All Media, Photos, Videos, Journals, People. and my soul is yours to slowly rip apart. Main · Photos · Profile · My Friends · Comments · Search ...
thisxclichextragedy.buzznet.com/user/ "
Even H.K. Rowling --or one of her critics--couldn't resist this one:
"Re: Harry Potter 7 Theory - Waiting for HarryIn order to make a horcrux, the wizard must murder someone to rip apart their own soul. Then perform a spell which encases the fragment of soul into an ...
bookclubs.barnesandnoble.com/.../print?board. "
And bless me or forgive me, but I can't help thinking a period at the very end of the last sentence would bring a tiny but very much needed grain of finality to the sentence or judgement rendered at the very end, which by the way is perhaps the strongest line in the poem. And which I do like, by the way.
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Great poem. I really like it. It says a lot about you. I have one word to say and thats wow!!
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This is so great. I love the flow of this poem and the very powerful message that you have put forward here. I loved the lines "You cant sell the past to make a healthy living Your greatest sin is your lack of forgiving". These words are so true. Well done. Great work.
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Darren likes.
Very lyrical methinks (possibly because I am currently listening to the Chilis while reading) hehe
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