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i imagine.

i can see through you;; sweetie
    && if i squint hard enough, it's almost clear
    how hollowhollowhollow you.are

[i imagine that you're sweet. i imagine your ♥ is true. but you can't use it well, can you sweetie?]

i can see past the {gli//tter};; sweetie
    && i know, it's a terrifying thought that your shield
    isn't quite strong enough.

[i imagine the earphones are just to hide away. i imagine you're shy, scared, a.dor.ab.le. i can fix that, sweetie.]

i can see your ♥;; sweetie
    && i know you're trying your best to hide, cause
    someone's hurt you [i'll hurt them.]

[i imagine the eyeliner&&dyedhair&&baggy clothes are only for.show. i imagine i can save you. i know somebody can ((&&will.))]

i    im
    a
        g
          ine.

but the truth is
        you don't even know    my
                                    name.

Author notes

i really, really don't know.


[&&rice paper.]

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Diseased Mind
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. I think you're the only person who didn't use "rice paper" in their actual poem but I still get it, like the allusion to it which was cool.

    In general, because you didn't put it in directly, the metaphor you created of the girl and the rice paper was really interesting.

    I wasn't that fond of the use of sweetie so much. I guess you did it for coherence and kind of a parallel structure but I just didn't like it so much.

    I love this phrase: "I imagine I can save you. I know somebody can". That and the ending were so amazing. Partly because it was so simply, there was nothing fancy but it's what nobody ever reallys writes down. I loved it so much.

    Great great job on this, and thank you for you entry!


  • makeout kid
    March 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is pretty.
    && it hold innocence in a pained sort of way.
    [do you know what i mean? cuz i know what i mean.]

    love it.
    like i love you.
    [except i love you a million times more.]


  • sweetpearl
    March 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My comments are lacking lately ... I do like this, but I'm just really tired I can't get the energy to go into detail. I will give you one thing:

    "i imagine you're shy, scared, a.dor.ab.le. i can fix that"

    --fixing being adorable ... to what? Heh, it's an interesting idea for sure.

1 - 6 of 6