I live today like there's no tomorrow
Filled with happiness instead of sorrow
Forgiven myself for things I've done
Instead of darkness I now see sun
It's taken a while for me to forgive
No more dying inside, I now want to live
I've walked hell's path for many years
Now I walk on clouds and cry happy tears
I give myself freedom for wrongs I have done,
Now reborn my life has begun.
I am very new to writing and could use a lot of help. Please tell me what I need to do to make it better and I need help with correct form and punctuation. Please help me.
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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i really like this it says alot with out to many words
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Great Poem
You have presented a vitally important message in only 10 lines.
I can identify with you. Being an ex-alcoholic myself, I can really identify with the "happy tears" you write about. Being sober - I've been free of it for over 16 years - is being given a new life.
It is good to read your poem and rejoice for you and with you!
Keep writing; writing is life.
Love and hugs
- joanne
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I really like this, short and inspirational.. Rather a thrilling thought, 'life reborn'.
You say you are new to writing, I'm in an allpoetry group called 'The Inkwell', its just a nice big group that learns together and helps one another get better at writing.. If your interested in joining let me know and I'll send you the link.
-Shirley -
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I'm very interested in learning
Thank you for your comment on Reborn. I really appreciate you telling me about the group. I really just started writing and would love to be able to learn more about it. So please let me know how to join. God bless.
your friend Sharon -
Thankyou
I would really enjoy checking out your group. I am into anything that can help me write better. Thanks for your comment I really do appreciate it.I will be checking out some of your work. You will hear from me soon.
God
Bless
Sharon. *smile* -
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Sharon,
Here is the link to the group- I hope this works, lol.
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/The%20Inkwell?stay=1
I hope you join!
-Shirley -
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I just sent you a comment, I forgot I already asked about the group.
I would forget my head if it wasn't attached LOL.
Any way thanks. *smile*
Your
Friend
Sharon
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This is great for someone new to writing. The rhyme and flow are good, but if you want to make it better, you could study the poetry of rakerman1; his is almost perfect. (I think he uses his fingers and toes LOL)
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This may seem pretty stupid but I went on your profile to look at the rakermaker1; but I got sent to a photo site. Like I said I am very stupid when it comes to doing anything on the PC. And thank you for your comment on Reborn. I am just learning how to put my words into poem. Any help you can give would be appreciated.
Thanks Sharon
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you may be new to writing, but you already have a knack for it...this poem has very nice flow, and the rhyme is definatly not forced...it has a nice story behind it, too, a journey of hope...
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Thank you for your comment on Reborn I really appreciate it. I am just learning and if you see anything in my work that could use help please let me know.
God Bless Sharon
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This is very.. wow... i love it, and as... umm, not happy as i generally am, it MAKES me feel happy.. very good...
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very inspiring.
Amy
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you have a good flow and I like this, sometime you try a bit hard to get a good flow but I have been writing for years and still have to reach to hard to get a flow. You certainly got the gift to write, so keep it up.
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I love the rhyming. I also like the feelings that this poem has. In the line "I've walked hells path for many years", hells should be hell's, since the path belongs to hell. Other than that small mistake, it's perfect! Great job! <3 Jewel
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4/5
I can't believe it! A rhyme with flow and beautiful into the bargain! Usually people get caught up with feeling like they *have* to make words rhyme that they forget to make sense, but this ... was amazing. I am amazed.
Though maybe you could use a few (small!) connecting words to improve the overall continuity of the poem like:
"*I've* forgiven myself for the things I've done,
*and* instead of darkness I now see the sun."
These are only small things, though, and don't detract from the fact that this is a very uplifting write. I'll definitely be looking into some more of your poetry!
Thanks for sharing.
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Amazing...
If one were to make a summary of this poem, it would be a giant "Sieze the Day" written across the sky. To me, it describes a shot straight out of depression into what feels like a new life. This is great.
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You have a good rhyme pattern happening and the flow with an easy mood. I do like the positive message of moving forward and forgiving your misdeeds. I have one little suggestion when your write a piece read it aloud and really listen to what you say ad how it feels as you say it taking out someof those little words , and ,but,for the those words read the line with them and without ... we all use them at times but without the line maybe more intense tighther ot soundig like the salesm selling and you to get free set of steak knives...by the way write what it is you feel if for now it is dark or sorrow you feel so be it. There are many brilliant poets here ad the columns are well worth the ready. The main thing is to enjoy your writting.Thank you for the pleasure of the inspirational message and read.
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Congratulations on your new strength and determination..I too have traveled that path for too long and am now just beginning to find out who I am and how to live life on lifes terms...This is a honest sincere write that is full of courage, hope, determination...Just a thought but maybe in line 7 take out the "a" before years...just keep writing..Welcome to Ap and there are plenty of extremely awesome writers here that will help you along your writing journey! Good job!
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Thankyou
I did take your suggestion and I went back and took the a out of line 7. I have seen so many great writes on this site. I am looking forward to getting inspired and write alot more. The one thing that may take me a while is that I write from my life and my heart so until I really feel something. But I know with all the good writing
that I have read and will continue to read that it wont take me much to get inspired. Thanks for the help.*hugs*
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