Clean to the human eye but dirty to the devils spy.
Too see her she smiles, laughs,and sings .
Inside her trials scream and sting.
He claims to others he protects as all good brothers do.
But like all evil beasts collect he steals and manipulates.
Waiting for his next suspect his sister will always do .
No one sees her tears, her pleas.
The mask covers her fears and silences , the voves inside.
He captures her when she least predicts.
His eyes close to an almost grin .
She floats to a happy bubble numb and silent where there is no air in that bubble .
when He finishes he grins .
His sister will always do ..
No one believes no one to turn too .
For years and years .
Just a dirty secret
That will be kept inside
Author notes
this is a true poem about my brother
A contest entry
- Show Me Sibling Pain by paullallady.
800 points, ended March 9, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Many Options. Come in Choose a Few by KittieLyyn.
300 points, ended June 8, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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This one took me a while to find, but here I am!
This piece was very emotional and held so much detail to what horrors many must go through. You have started off this piece with rhyme, which was splendid. Your flow was smooth for the most part, but I would like to recommend a couple revisions in this piece:
In line 9, I like "capture" should be pluralized.
In line 10, it sounds fine, but I think it would sound better if you changed the last words to "where there is no air". It flows better.
Line 13, you're missing an "e" in "believes"
Otherwise, this piece was perfect. It is a hard subject to write upon and a hard subject to read about(because it hurts to see what our world is going through/or to go through that again). You possess a very great talent for writing and I hope to see you pursue it and never let it go.
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amazing. this part wow.
Inside her trials scream and sting.
He claims to others he protects as all good brothers do.
But like all evil beasts collect he steals and manipulates.
Waiting for his next suspect his sister will always do .
No one sees her tears, her pleas.
The mask covers her fears and silences , the voves inside.
He capture her when she least predicts.
His eyes close to an almost grin .
just wow. -
Bravo
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I don't know what to say. This is one of the worst thing to me in the world. Family should always be a safe heaven and it's just not the case for so many. This is so sad and and painful. The pain and anger are well said. Great job on this one, you totally desirved a gold, well done.
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this was a very had one for me to do , i kept deleating it and bring it back , but i know i have a voice and i need to use it
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live for today
I think you have to break through the pain you suffered through as a child. You writing is way to dark. It's good mind you but way to dark. Try to find something funny to write about. I'm telling you this as you're friend. Ok ! -
This is very sad, very emotional. The pain that a family member can cause another is almost beyond all else. I am sorry for the pain you endured at the hands of your brother. You expressed it very well here, great job on this one.
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Sad
This is sad and very touching.... I know how this is well not sibiling parents but its the samething... Its vary sad... My heart goes out to you.
~Winter-Raven
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thank you , yes it is sad and i feel for any one that has to go thi it ,
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The content is clear, and probably happens more than we know. How a family member can hurt another member is beyond me. I hope all can get passed this!
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thank you , its not an easy thing to get over
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I love the message, the topic is one that touches the heart. The actual writing... could use improvements. Mainly the set out, and I think a bit of spelling too.
I think what I have with my brother is about the opposite... I used to kiss him goodnight (he was a few years older than me) but then we seperated. I will never know if he knew what was happening between my father and I.
It is unfortunate, but we are now further apart than ever, we talk occasionally... small talk.
Anyway, I truly hope that things are better now, and that he doesn't get access to your children. Because honestly, it doesn't matter what gender...
Jai.
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It's hard to realise that family can be so cruel to each other.i am sorry for your pain,
Ros -
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thank yes i feel sorry for any one that has to go thu it ,
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live for today
I think you are a very fine writter. You must have had a lot of pain in you're life, because you're writing speaks volumes ! I will keep you in my prayers.Keep up the Fantastic work my friend.
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thank you , its something that is not easy to get over ,
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Wow this is deep. I am so sorry that this is something that happens to anyone. I grew up in a wonderful home and had no idea the evil in the world. Now I know so much and when I read stuff like this I just cannot believe the hurt that family would put on the ones we should protect.
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thank you , it happens alot more then people realize , alot donot have the courage to tell ,
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