Hollow winds through empty rooms
Omens of endless tedium
The journey awaits him
The trauma awaits them
The white unfeeling fog looms
Menacing, inevitable
His bags are ready
She’d packed them
With trembling fingers
Tears staining his whites
Her hands obeying the mind
But eyes following the heart
The TV drones on
Spewing numbers
Dead, alive and missing
He takes her in his arms
Deafening silence speaks
A miniscule fraction
Of the ocean left uncharted
Each touch they savor
Each moment they capture
To last two lonely lifetimes
He waves from the street
She smiles through a curtain
Of belated denial and fruitless hope
As the avaricious white fog
Leaves two exhausted shells
Killing two broken souls
A contest entry
- Enter Anything And Everything You want ! Win loads of points , HMs and much more !! (prewrites allowed )(a truthwriter's contest )( more than 326entries ) by sweethelper.
300 points, ended March 10, 2007, 140 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me What You've Got (40 trophies or less, only) by WriteOrWrong597.
525 points, ended March 31, 2007, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I really like this. So much feeling.
Awesome write.
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Such a sad write - one never knows when the goodbye one says is the last one - sentiments well expressed in these lines - easy to read and understand. Congratulations on the HM and the bronze for this awesome poem.
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the message was there but the feelings and emotions seemed to be lacking from the text.
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Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. Such a touchingly sad write here, dear poet. It makes me think if an all-too-near future when my son will be entering the service, and I fear it. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e * 
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Thank you for entering my contest. This was a really beautiful write. I, at first, thought it was about a divorce, but it seems I was wrong. Very good and full of emotion. Good luck in the contest.
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nice 1
very thought provoking poem well written
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Excellent !
I reakky don't think you can do it any better. You have written a very fine poem here ! You should be very proud of you're accomplishment. Keep up the great work my friend.
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The beginning wasn't _that_ great, but it got quite good in the end... I love the wording in approx. the second half of this write.
I wish you good luck!
Keep writing!
Annie
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awwwwww !! this is awesome ! i truely loved this write !!
He waves from the street
She smiles through a curtain
Of belated denial and fruitless hope
As the avaricious white fog
Leaves two exhausted shells
Killing two broken souls
this was my fav lines of the poem !!
Beware - Trophies coming your way !!
your well wisher ,
-truthwriter- -
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Thanks a lot!
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Oh my. I was surprised by this piece. Because the title was something that could become ridiculously cliche or the complete opposite I was worried about reading this piece. I see that my fears are unfounded. You've used the title to explain the situation without having it the main theme of the poem (something which I've seen before and it really ends up being horrible).
I think the last stanza really has a lot of "oomph" in it (I couldn't think of a better word). The words you've chosen work beautifully and it really ties the whole piece together. I have a suggestion though, and that is that some punctuation would help this piece out.
Thank you and best of luck
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Thanks a lot!
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There are alot of beautiful words in here,,,bravo,nicly said......
He waves from the street
She smiles through a curtain
Of belated denial and fruitless hope
As the avaricious white fog
Leaves two exhausted shells
Killing two broken souls
wow,,,thank you for the wonderful write the begining was edgy,,but the end was beautiful,,,
wow....
Best Of Wishes
dragontuba -
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Thank you for your honest opinion!
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