When I open my heart, this is what I hear,
A desolate sound, with which I must bear.
An empty chime that sings disdain.
An echo of solitude in my heart's refrain.
When I open my heart, this is what I see,
A small child who used to be me.
He resembles the hope that I once felt,
But lost it all from the pain he was dealt.
When I open my heart, this is what's left,
A subtle queue of life hanging from its cleft.
The scene is over and the tragedy stopped,
My heart in my hands, from there it dropped.
A contest entry
- Another 24 Hours # 2 by poetryality.
300 points, ended March 7, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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hey cary,
thsi is so powerful, i freaking love it. the metaphors work really well.
Alice
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Powerful work here poet. There is great intensity in these words. I can almost feel the pain of the past. Often when hearts are exposed the hurt is a wound that may scab over but never truly heals. This is a melancholy writ but beautifully sad (if that is at all possible). You have crafted a fine work. The flow is effortless and the rhyme, stellar.
Thank you ever so much for the time spent to enter my challenge. I wish you all the very best in life and this contest.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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this is a very strong piece.the rhymes are very good and the words shows growth despite the pain.your talent stands out in this and i suspect this only reflects a small portion of that talent.my best to you in the contest.
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Wonderful
I like the way you repeat the first line. Really emphasizes the rest of the poem. Good luck in the contest.
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I want to call this post modern, i think that word feels right here. The rhyming was solid, and had good flow. im not sure i understand the last line, but i'll keep looking it over and see if i get it. god job, cary.
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