This pit that I am in
is not as dark
nor as morose
as I think it to be.
Its damp walls
pulse underneath
my hands, its
beating is a lovely
melody against my cold
fingers. My ears
draw in a
distant sound,
a foreign one similar
to the forgotten
laughter that has
not graced my lips
for so long that I
can barely remember.
A pain blossoms
in my chest, gnawing
at the lingering
sadness that chose
to dig its claws
deeper in a vice-like
clutch. It is only
then that I realize
that this hole is
a poison that is slowly
intoxicating me, and
that I am not
where I want to be.
I would creep out of
this place, but like
a hammer falling
in the sea, I could only
sink further and further
down, perhaps I would stop
when I have reached
the bottom.
-11/04/04
Author notes
written 3 years ago =) my favorite poem ever =)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow! WOW! Might be my new favorite poem ever also!
Greatly written, extremely well worded, and I loved the ending!
Proves that there are none greater, than the Great Rachel! You really are the Greatest, and I'm not just saying that 
Exquisitly written! I love it!
Just so... marvellous and extremely good!
Sad and stylish, with strong images
Very well done!
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Soda....I should beat you with a stick. *something Talisa and I say*
You never told me you put a poem up...I want to read.
You're lucky I was scrolling down your page and happened to see this.
I love it too...but I mostly love the last bit...could I use that in a story??
-but like
a hammer falling
in the sea, I could only
sink further and further
down, perhaps I would stop
when I have reached
the bottom.-
Thats wonderful...only if I did use it I would change it a tiny bit...!!
So yesh...this was good. I didnt know you wrote poems though.
Even if you wrote this 3 years ago...it still counts!!
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neato
Very good, Soda! I like it all!
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Really good!
I really liked the style and flow of this piece, I felt as though I was being pulled slowly down with you-very well written. x
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Nice shape
I like the long thing 'fall' of the poem, mimicking the theme of sinking.
At some points, the rhythm seems to change in an inconsistant manner, however this might be intentional.
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This is very well written, with strong images and feelings. The plain use of language is effective and gives clarity to the piece.
Bill
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