Early afternoon darkness marches
irreverent of the sun.
The quiet roar of rain;
curtains pushed indignantly
float back into plumb.
He stares -
his face crouches;
eyes threaten to
see more
than they can.
A vanguard of electric pulses
ignites kettledrums of power.
Surreal disdain for flesh
hammers through to the spirit;
beats the skin within.
His limbs tense;
senses expand,
heighten
ears focus,
scan.
Fatalistic fascination
wars with panic.
The storm lifts
relieving pressure -
releasing tension
he doesn't remember
he felt.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Well, this is another Wow. I got a little confused with it, but that may have been me reading extra stuff. I do that ya know. It is obviously an afternoon thunderstorm. It is easy to see the sudden darkness when you don't expect it, the burst of wind and the feel of thunder and lightning.
The only thing I was unsure of is if someone was actually struck by lightning. It almost seemed as if it did. Sort of a Frankenstein lightnight moment. LoL
Anyway, I enjoy a poem that makes me wonder a bit so I like it -
there are many things about this one that i like, a lot of interesting phrasing, i especially liked;
"float back into plumb."
"ignites kettledrums of power."
and the "sound" of this is excellent;
"His limbs tense;
senses expand,
heighten"
and of course, the last two lines... put the lid on it nicely.
Well done, enjoyed this one .
~ w -
Love it
I forgot how powerfully you wrote. Very well written my friend.
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thank you, joyce
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Yup the last lines are great. Everything passes, no matter how dramatic it seemed at the time.
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true. I thought it was a nice anticlimactic type ending yet bringing a bit of thought to the piece.
thanks again so much for the help in creating this.
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releasing tension
he doesn't remember
he felt.
oh i like this. very nicely penned. enjoyed.
blu
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thanks. it's good to see that last stanza didn't seem out of place.
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It is interesting, the words that you chose to describe everything. Not a lot of them make sense to me. It is an interesting way to put things together, but it is hard for me to make sense of it.
"curtains pushed indignantly to
float back into plumb."
I don't understand why you chose plumb in this part. It doesn't fit very well...or so it seems.
Otherwise, an interesting read. I am gonna have to read over it a couple more times to see if I can get to the heart of it. -
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thank you for commenting. I'll try to explain that choice: I needed a way to describe the wind without saying "it was windy". I don't even mention wind yet, the words I use bring to mind the only thing that would (outside of human design) make curtains flap around. 'plumb' is the term used in carpentry, plumbing, etc. to describe a line at a right angle to 'level' (as in 'sea level'). it means, basically, 'hanging straight down'. plumb, in a poetic sense, has a soft, benign sound, to it. this compliments other words (irreverent, roar, rain, float) in the stanza giving it a contrast to the subject of the stanza - the storm. the softness of the first stanza, in turn, contrasts with the third stanza's harder sounds (electric, kettledrums, skin). sort of a counterpoint to the subject matter.
those are only technical reasons.
the real reason is: it's the word that came to mind. it sounded good when I wrote it. why does a person choose a light blue shirt for the night out with his girlfriend? it is preference.
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I love this poem. I can tell alot of thought and effort was put into this.
The use of language and the form really sets it in another league.
The quiet roar of rain - This contrast really sets off the conflict that's contained within the poem.
I quite like the last stanza. It fits but yet again, contrasts the poem. I like the fact that the whole concept is purely sensual.
A very thought provoking piece.
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hey, thank you. 'sensual' is what most every writer strives for. to read words on a page giving information is nothing more than an owner's manual. to make the reader feel anything about what they've written is a gift.
to lead the reader to feel what you want them to is pure skill.
I wish I had more of that.
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This piece excellent imagery. I can imagine myself sitting in my home or laying in bed being awakened by the patter of falling water on my roof. The stanza that states "panic" makes me feel as though there may be a leak in the house and must tend to it before it gets bad. Also maybe being awakened from a dream and thinking the rain is actually something else. Very descriptive...I like it
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thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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amazing work, very touching.
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I am new to AP and I was so worried what people would think of my poems mostly because they are from my real life and I either thought they were too depressing or just too sad, but people here have been very open to all types of writes. I will be looking for more of your work, you have an intensity when you write that is so wonderful and not many have that. You put so many feelings into such a short piece of art. Please keep up the job of creating art, you have a gift that people deserve to hear
God bless.
your friend Sharon
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thank you. welcome to AP. I hope you enjoy yourself here and learn as much as you want to.
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I like this! I especially like the use of the word 'kettledrums'.
There is a lot of intensity here - of the storm - internal and external. And then the heavy sigh at the end. It works very well. Not remembering he felt the tension is an excellent thought to close with.
Cris
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thank you. good to hear the last stanza doesn't suck. I worried this poem to death yesterday (with a load of help from debracey) and came up with the title and the final stanza this morning.
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Stef is a great resource. You shouldn't worry so much though - you have it goin' on!
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kyew kyew kyew, it's so good to see you! and posting, nonetheless! gotta say i absolutely LOVE the cadence/tone/setting/etc of the first stanza. you know, i really like the last stanza. can't really articulate why but i do. hope you are well.
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thanks, you. as well as I can be. you think that last stanza fits the rest of it? I'm still a bit iffy about it.
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