My heart is soaring really high
Your lips so warm yet I shiver like I'm cold
The night has to end so I sigh
Once your in love you don't feel down or so I'm told
I hope this happiness never ends
My fragile heart would never mend
Author notes
It's basically about a girl and her first love.
A contest entry
- ANYTHING!! PREWRITES ALLOWED!! by Angierie.
425 points, ended March 29, 2007, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short & Sweet and Really Upbeat {Edit} by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended March 13, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come on in you know you want to!!!!!!!! by lizwicker.
525 points, ended December 1, 2007, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Nice little addition to your poem, and now it actually qulaifies for the contest. It's very sweet, and enjoyable.
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The upbeatness of this poem is perfect for the contest, however, my minimum was five lines. I would suggest reformating this to make it fives lines, however, don't just drop a word or two down. Maybe even elaborating one more line. I will wait to fully critique until then.
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i love this. so short. so relatable. so everything. i love short poems, straight to the point. you did awesome with this if you ask me :]
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This is a lovely poem. I love the line that states 'your lips so warm, yet I shiver like I'm cold' very clever...I must remember that!
Good luck in the contest.
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You did have on typo "love" in your last line.
I do enjoy the sweetness of this poem but I do think more could be added to it. But then again, it might violate the contest rules...anywho, this poem is pretty nonetheless so keep up the good writing!
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1 - 5 of 5
