~REALITY~
I'm sat on the cold floor beneath your chrome shower head
~FLASHBACK~
I'm sprawled out naked across your dirty double bed
~REALITY~
I need to wash away your toxic scent
Your all over me
I'm scrubbing so hard, my skin is chafing
I need you off me
~FLASHBACK~
We were having fun just sitting there in your room
You took my hand and told me I was the best three weeks of your life
You didn't care what people said about our age difference
I was infatuated with you so much I actually thought it was love
~REALITY~
It still hurts even now
I can feel the pain pulsing it's way through my body
I can hear his breathing on the other side of the door
I need to get out
~FLASHBACK~
You forced me down when I said I wasn't ready
You tied my hands against the head board and stripped me
You entered me and it hurt and I screamed
But you kept on going until you were done
A contest entry
- Sex - Negative Aspects by ZestyDreams.
600 points, ended March 8, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me emotion by LaLaLie.
360 points, ended April 14, 2007, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Speaking On Trembling Lips by FlipperSwitch.
600 points, ended July 2, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
This seems it was very painful for you to write, thank you for entering it. I like your use of reality vs. memory- it works for this piece very nicely.
-
Wow, I can see this, good imagery (if that's how you spell it) Good luck and thanks for entering.
-
Powerful and very sad. The last stanza was especially vivid. "You entered me and it hurt and I screamed
But you kept on going until you were done" Very dark. It explains why the beginning has you "I need to wash away your toxic scent Your all over me I'm scrubbing so hard, my skin is chafing" A very powerful poem to read. Thanks so much for sharing. -
Wow...wow!! What an emotion packed write. It is so sad that things like this actually do happen...probably more than most of us realize. The flow is intense...I love the use of.."REALITY".."FLASHBACK"...Brilliant!!!
Whyitt U
xxx
-
this was a AWESOME poem. being a victim of any kind suck this was suck a intense poem it feels as if you really experinced this traumatic event. ~REALITY~
It still hurts even now
I can feel the pain pulsing it's way through my body
I can hear his breathing on the other side of the door
I need to get out
that is poingannt for me you feel as though you can still feel them. INTENSE BEAUTIFUL!
-
wow. this is really powerful, strong. dark. i love the set up of it, it sets it up really well. the emotion and the reality of your words is very haunting.
-
oh, dang, this was powerful...i feel for her, and i hate him and all the other jerkfaces like him...you definatly captured the moment..
-
Real
You captured the true essence of a rather unpleasant encounter. The sadness gets at me & i'm wondering if she got away before he could do worse. An all round good write, thanks for sharing it.
-
Oops
Sorry, delete last 2 comments...
Anyway. I loved it. I loved both the sides of the story and the harsh reality that you create.
It's very moving. It starts out as fun and games but soon turns so much more sinister as I guess most rape cases are.
Very effective
-
that was really deep. were you raped in real life cause if you were you should get help. but any way it was a fantastic poem. I liked how you used reality and flash back to show what had already happened and what was going on now. great job.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
