Shoot up your last horse
To fry your mind again
Take it for a ride
But put the will to pen
Then crawl down in your hole
And close your eyes now blind
Gaspe for one last breath
This high is ending time
Destroyed are all your hopes
Lost to demons brew
A mess a carvers dividing
What little is left of you
A poverty of pipers
Smoke dancing in their heads
Will peddle their influence
On the siblings of those dead
So shoot that horse completely
Spend your one last dime
Then sneak into your dungeon
Where death your sure to find
By Bob Fox
A contest entry
- Drugs and Addiction by whiterabbit..
400 points, ended October 9, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Surpise me by dying inside 4ever.
690 points, ended July 19, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Drugs, Diabetes & Sugar Levels! by English.Muffin.
1000 points, ended October 14, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Love a bit of rhyme!
I would have liked a bit more description of how the person felt, their state of mind, but what you gave was good
Thanks for entering
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this poem was really powerful. good luck
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i don't think this quite qualifies as prose. please feel free to enter a prose piece you have written and be sure to space out your name in your AN.
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I really like this. There's so much emotion here and power in your words. I like the phrases that you used throughout this. I can relate to the emotions here. Great write and thanks for entering.
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Wow!!!!Great write!!
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So true
Those so into drugs the most dangerous ones are the first time users that screams to all what a thrill what a rush it is and they share with others the dust of the dead for time will bring them to the breaking point and they so want company at the time of their death . No drugs takes away pain it just adds to it
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Strong, touching and so true write. Hope you and the ones around you are doing better these days!
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Nice...!
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This is awesome. i love the rhyme which rocks and flows so well. great use of imagery 2. Good write
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The sad thing about this particular drug, is even after you quit, you still run the risk that you've done such lasting damage as to cause death. I know someone who died years after he quit. The heroin messed him up pretty fiercely.
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I came through the drug culture and did a fair share of experimenting, but I steered clear of certain substances ie: those requiring needles. But I did see some messed up people in the city. They were plenty enough to scare me straight!
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very well penned!
Peace and Love
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WOW!!!
This is really a touching and strong piece!I can really relate to this piece in many ways because I've experienced not "Horse" but other drugs and I've many friends and family members who've died from an overdose of Heroin. and yes, I remember the term "horse" so maybe we come from the same generation! Very strong writing here and it is written well!
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yes
I knew so many guys that died from Horse growin up in brooklyn. Ty for your kind comment
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I get a lot of anger and frustration coming through this.........a kind of exasperation felt by someone who has come to the end of the line, done all they can and finally, like the addict themselves, has reached rock bottom. I enjoyed it very much...it has a very nice flow except for line 11 which seems to falter a bit...I think it's the word dividing just too many sylables for the line......thank you for sharing
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Your write definately sends a chill out from its center. The only suggestion that I would make is don't explain its meaning in the title. Anyone who has any experience with such a thing or those who only have some head knowledge of it will catch it from the poem itself. I know you probably wanted to make a clear point, but I think that the poem does that without having to be explained.
Glad I stopped by to check it out
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thank you
I do appreciate your kind comments. & in the title I guess i dated myself. As a teenager growing up in Brooklyn theusers always reffered to it as " Horse " or "H". I forgot that I am old now lol. But anyway I look forward to reading more of your fine poetry -
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Well, I suppose I date myself as well. But I have found that most of todays youth also knows what horse means on the street. And if they don't then how fortunate for them, no?
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Brings Back Memories
First off, there is alot of feeling in this write. I would like to say that I was in a relationship with and them married a man who was a drug addict. It started off in our early years together with him taking pills, doing coke, pot and drinking off and on for years. Then there came a time when I knew something just wasn't right. I knew he was high on something but just couldn't pinpoint it. Turns out, it was the mighty steed he was on. He hid it well for awhile and then I started finding the signs. and changes in behavior.
It eventually resulted in him trying to shoot and kill me because he didn't wannt to seperate, I don't know, maybe he was just that desperate. Needless to say, he spent a year in prison and while he was there, I moved 2,000 miles away and took our daughter with me, she is now 16. Haven't heard one word from him since September of 2004. We did let him know where we were this past Christmas and our daughter missed him very much and wanted to send him a Christmas card with a short note in it so he now knows where we are located. She dreams of him just writing her a short note, maybe saying something as simple as, I love you or I miss you, or maybe just asking if she is ok or apologizing for the whole thing but as he was hopeless being lost in drugs, she feels hopeless thinking he just doesn't give a damn.
Sad thing about all of this that in his times of being drug free, he was a wonderful man, husband and father but I guess his demons were just stronger than he was. Yes, I have seen what heroin addicts go through, the turmoil, the craving, even the fear. I just wish you luck in your quest to find some kind of normalacy.
Be Well and Be Blessed. -
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And
I wish you & your daughter good luck. I am sure it is tough on both of you. If you need to talk just send me a message. I have experience in a lot about life. lol
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Pretty much describes so many aspects of addiction, loss of persona, well worded, emotional. Well done.
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Well done Bob this ain't like the usual poem about the brown.I had a habit on a big scale for ten years and spent four years in jail for the drug but I'm clean three and a half years and easing back into society's big soup.All the best to you mate this is really inspiring stuff.Shug
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Great write. i've never shot anything, nor have i done heroin, but i can relate w/ other drugs, and I know where you're coming from. this was a great write. i really enjoyed reading it and i'm glad I clicked it. good job, keep up the awesome work.
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very gripping story told here...I really like the lines:
Will peddle their influence
On the siblings of those dead
A thoroughly enjoyable read. Very well done.
Rory
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Revealing and Skillful Write
Bob, you just have it all there...right as it is.....Wow...what a life living on the edge of a cliff...One wrong move and you are over the side...Talk about Russian roulette! Who could make it more vivid...Sad, scary read! -
Fantastically written! Wow This is extrodinary writing with so much to say....I absolutely love it!
You have delved into this "medication" so well, that it is an eye opener for all.
Loved it when you said.."crawl down in your hole, close your eyes now blind, grasp one last breath, this high is ending time"
Yes you have captured addiction well here!
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