She finds it easy to hide behind a smile
Her friends want to believe she’s okay
It’s more comfortable than knowing the truth
She says she hates him
Then sleeps with him anyway
Because she hates herself more
Each time, I hear it will never happen again
How many last times are there
In one life?
Some day
She may convince herself
And stop writing poetry about him
But he does give good angst
And she really wants to finish
That chapbook...
A contest entry
- Cynical Writers Welcome! by bw43.
549 points, ended March 13, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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maybe this chap book is the never ending story?
i just do it to myself. i've come to terms with the fact that im a masochist. -
brilliant ohh im loving your poems...i love the way you personalise them to capture the readers thoughts well done this poem is just beautiful xx
laura xxx -
I like the conversational and serious yet cynical tone to this. I think many people can relate, or know someone who the theme is applicable to.
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cynical indeed and the element of truth - born of observation perhaps ... enjoyed this very much ... after a couple of readings i found it all encapsulated in the last stanza .. a kind of contemporary tanka ... >>> gina
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Deep
I really like the way you have worded this poem- it has so much to say-' She finds it easy to hide behind a smile'-this is very relating irespective of gender-'It’s more comfortable than knowing the truth'-a convinient escape route-'How many last times are there
In one life?'-wonderfully put-'But he does give good angst And she really wants to finish That chapbook...'-her inspiration for angst poetry-extremely well written
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and still my comment isn't really a comment on your poetry LoL... well... it's good. that's it.
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I apologize for the uncommenty comment that I left when I first read this. I guess I was kind of... upset. It felt like it was directed toward me, I guess because it probably was (or maybe that's just me being self centered).
There's really no reason for me to be upset. I guess I was sensitive that day.
I thought this was a terribly cynical piece... probably because I took it so personal the first time around.
Thanks for the excellent entry, Jim.
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impressive... too close for comfort
The title of this piece really piqued my interest, especially since getting "tangled" seems to be one of my greatest talents... or greatest downfalls (however you look at it).
This poem really hit close to home for me... too close in fact. For a fleeting moment I almost wondered if it was meant for me or written with me in mind (in light of a recent conversation). Then I quickly discarded that thought.
I agree with Chrisstiena... the poem truly speaks for itself. I love the tale of the restless soul (though it honestly caught me off guard and made me question myself a great deal).
I've never heard the word "chapbook" before and was quite curious about it. Interesting diction in this poem in many ways because it seems each word is so carefully chosen to be exact and simple, yet it almost seems that it was written with the greatest of ease as though it were a mere flick of your wrist that created it.
Well written, well thought out... frighteningly profound message.
I will take this message into consideration while attempting to make some sense of order out of the tangled mess I've made my life lately... but it seems I'm too far in to back out now without further damage.
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thanks for your entry Jim. Good luck in the contest.
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I hate to say this but this sounds like it could fit a whole legion of young ladies here on Allpoetry. It's sad the things we expose ourselves to and put ourselves through. But then again, it's always easier to see solutions when you are on the outside looking in. I wish I knew a magically way of creating a dust of detachment for those I love that I see wasting time, effort and emotion of those who cannot and will not ever accept them as they are and love them for all that they are, instead of what they want to create them into. 'Nuff said eh...
♥ Touchof1der
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Hey, I love this!!! It has an intense snarl to it . . . angst can sometimes be the catalyst that leads one to some good writing and this one has it in spades . . . love the last image!!!!
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Wonderfully biting with a sharp eye for the shock element.
The poem is characteristic of you - a plain tale told without any unnecessary conceits and embellishments, letting well chosen, hard hitting-words speak for themselves. Yes - speak for themselves - for this poem, I'm sure, is best when read aloud.What reallygot me about this poem is the superb manner in which you have managed to depict the restless wanderings of a soul caught in a world that it can only dimly comprehend. I can relate to it as it connects on a very emotive level, and the angst is almost palpable.
But he does give good angst
And she really wants to finish~and pop the chewed gum she'd set aside
back in her mouth~good luck in the contest!
♦
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