There's no rigor mortis in effective state
Only the vigor of a grape
A life to evaporate
Yet, stone is my hand on this glass neck.
And as a creed I defend it, indeed.
There is only the stagnant clouds
The rain's fall and its shroud
The silent chaos of the shattered compass on my desk
There is my book and it's glow
Proposing words of poe.
There is all that, and nothing more
There is all that, and nothing less
In this empty book to profess
There is only this suckle
Eroding my spirit's knuckle.
Author notes
This is a personal poem my uncle is an alcoholic, and the last two lines are very personal. It seems to me that with every drink, any desire to fight against his affliction weakens.
option #4
A contest entry
- Wicked Games and Lithium Dreams [18+] by Immortal Obscurity.
900 points, ended October 19, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I agree with you, especially about the part in your authors' notes. It is hard to fight things like lust and pleasure, but too often is it easy to go against doing what we need to recover. I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I hope you and your family will all get through this difficult time. Well done, and thank you for entering.
L.
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wow!
such great imagery, stgnant clouds; what a great phrase!
the last two lines a really perfect, great metaphors throughout.
Only the vigor of a grape
at first i didnt understand this line, but upon seeing the topic, i now realise, and it is a great use of words
thank you for adding this to the group reading list, and i hope to see you active in the group in the future
lucy
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Great piece.
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great write...i can relate as i am an alcoholic, sober in recovery for 11 years...a great rhythm and language in this unique write...well done
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thank you so kindly for entering this piece. this was very well written, and touching. such sad words you have written to express such feelings of sorrow. i wish you the best of luck!
~bee
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VERY well written!! I think my favorite line is, "The silent chaos of the shattered compass on my desk". Was that meant to be symbolic of the loss of direction in life?
In any case, BRAVO!!
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Thank you for viewing my work, I am extremely happy with your comment because of your understanding of my symbolism, some dont understand my symbolism.
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Addiction is indeed a trial that is difficult to bear and overcome. Well penned piece, and thank you for sharing it with us all! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *
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"there is only the suckle, eroding the spirit's knuckle" perfect ending.
Very clear and honest
Great write
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Alcoholism destroys, I loved the emotions you inspired without excessive wordiness and how you let the reader interpet your intentions. Well done!
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my first impression? is except for a few errors its a short and to the point poem. i like it. the rhyme scheme is strong and it flows together. i had a little trouble with the last verse, but besides that, yeah. good shit, keep it up.
PS 1st verse was definately the best idea in your head. i wouldve killed to have you elaborate a little more on it. this is like my 5th time rereading it.
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Line 9 sounds awkward. Overall this is a good piece.
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