The unpleasant combination of lavender, mint, and bleach drift over tiny cilia to contact my olfactory receptor neurons as I lay on the forest green carpet in our living room. My brain spins molecular features of the odorants into electrical signals which then hurry along the olfactory nerve into the olfactory bulb where the information is channelled into various places in the olfactory cortex; these areas are strongly linked to emotion. Essentially, my nose smells, lavender, mint and bleach, my brain smells disappointment. We have no couch.
I can’t quite calculate how we ended up here. I’ve played the victim. I let you destroy my photographs. Tearing crinkled eyes from tersely posed smiles, shredding memories of all I loved. Why did I let you trap me in a tiny condo in downtown Saskatoon? Why did I hide in a back alley in the snow, forty below zero? When your hand finally connected with my face, did I feel just a little validated? A broken dollhouse, pastel pink bleeds to crimson. Romantic ideals are carnival mirrors that make you look really tall and fat but mostly you just look really foolish and sad. You can’t save anyone, not even yourself. I can’t save anyone, not even myself.
Author notes
I think the poem speaks for itself.
A contest entry
- 5 options for the creative poet (10) by bananasfoster42.
525 points, ended March 15, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING! by DelaneyDisaster.
300 points, ended April 2, 2007, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Contest! (Show me your stuff) by BloodCrusted.
600 points, ended April 18, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I'm addicted
I am in a tyerrible struggle, one the one hand I want to read ore, one the other I want to give you the great comment you should get.
So now I'll do what is in between. I'll write you a comment although nit very helpfull.
And then I will quicly read some more!
Love & peace
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This is a very thought provoking piece. It stirred so many different emotions in me while reading...In situations like this it is so hard to know what to do..When you do find out, you sometimes cant change anything anyway..I hope this is not a true situation but one that you just wrote about. Be well poet
Soulful Woman
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Unfortunately it's very real. Poetry is part of the healing process though and reflection on the past helps us in the future. I'm glad this piece touched you though.
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Wow. This is probably one of the best pieces I've read in a very long time. Just amazing. I wish I could find what to say to not sound like everyone other person who calls themselves a poet because they can string words together to sound pleasent to the eye. But, I cannot seem to conjure anything beyond "wow", I do appologize. Keep writing.
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Thanks so much! That is so encouraging and I very much appreciate your kind words.
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"Essentially, my nose smells, lavender, mint and bleach, my brain smells disappointment. We have no couch."
This is fantastic writing. I get a bit lost in the last paragraph, but then again, I believe you are lost as well. Perhaps I end up in just the right misplacement after all.
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This poem does speak for itself and the last line says it all. You cannot save anyone not even yourself. I can't save anyone not even myself. Well done dear poet. Good luck in the contests.
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Thanks!
I appreciate the feedback.
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this whole poem was gripping and sad, but almost quirky in a way..the desriptions are so accurate but topsy-turvy that the mind wants to make it funny..I imagine that being in that situation would feel as unreal as the poem..nicely done
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Well, humour is just our mind's coping mechanism for discomfort. I wanted the first stanza to come off a little more diagnostic before getting into the gore of the situation. My creative writing teacher thought that the hand connecting the face was not making abuse clear enough and that I should use a harsher phrase but I think this poem is sad and heavy enough the way it is. If anyone has thoughts on this I would appreciate it.
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I think the hand connecting to the face really stuck with the theme of unreality about the poem...its most definatly heavy and sad enough as it is
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Essentially, my nose smells, lavender, mint and bleach, my brain smells disappointment. We have no couch.
very sad but nicely penned. really liked how you wrote it as if it is dehumanzing..or something..which it is. but is it in the being a victim, or playing the victim. it all depends on who the person wants to ultimately blame i guess.
good job with writing this. enjoyed the read.
blu
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Very deep and powerful. I can relate to this very well, as I was in an abusive relationship too. I loved the bit about smelling the scents at the beginning, I used to focus on the most random and mundane things after an argument, and this caught that feeling perfectly.
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Wow
this is a fantastic piece of writing, exremly deep and powerful,
i love the metaphore used here, you paint vivid pictures for the reader to relate to,
i enjoyed this very much, very well writen -
great poem ,odd format though i must say
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It was for an assignment in creative writing, we're working on prose poetry that utilize sentence structure rather than the typical format of a poem.
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ahh ok
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Romantic ideals are carnival mirrors that make you look really tall and fat but mostly you just look really foolish and sad. You can’t save anyone, not even yourself. I can’t save anyone, not even myself.
Ye s it speaks as well...speaks so deeply and so
touchingly too...The beauty of this write lies in its concept and the truth of heart which is stating its true story without any crafted material..a great heartfelt write Indeed...
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SPECTACULAR!!
This is such a SPECTACULAR!! peice of writting! so very
real and so very profound came directly from your heart!
I love every single line in this write but my favorites are:
Tearing crinkled eyes from tersely posed smiles, shedding
of all I loved. So very heartfelt and so very real!! you
are so very talented! Thank You for such a wonderful
peice of writting.
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a very interesting write. thanks for entering!!
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I love the phrase "a very interesting write" Is that like saying "she has a good personality" ha ha. Or "What do you think of my outfit?" "Well, it's certainly very different!" Thanks for reading though
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