As the day goes by
I sit, I stare;
I look into my past,
To this nightmare.
Crying the tears,
The tears of life;
I look at her,
I see her strife.
See her beauty,
As she lies still;
See what once
Still had a will.
See her as she lies Silently,
Not a word to speak;
I hold her hand,
Softly kiss her cheek.
The thought of denial,
The thought of hate,
Thats all that had to bring her,
Bring her to her fate.
I hold her tight,
Looking at what use to be;
It doesn't seem right,
Why did it have to be me?
I held her close,
As I watched her die;
Look at her one last time,
Before I say my final goodbye.
Author notes
-Suffering
Hecate616
A contest entry
- Make Me Feel Dark by Xsafety glassX.
375 points, ended April 29, 2007, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Don't Know by Pollycheck.
450 points, ended April 29, 2007, 137 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANY THING by serenity silvermoon.
430 points, ended May 10, 2007, 145 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS OPTIONS OPTIONS! (and some that you don't see everyday!) by sharkofdhoom.
500 points, ended May 13, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Death by J-Lee18m.
1000 points, ended May 17, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark~Like~Me by Dak.
550 points, ended January 24, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Sad and moving. the rhyme and the flow was very smooth and didn't seem forced.
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Thanks you I could actually feel your words in this, and could feel the pain, good luck.
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very touching. i can sense the emotion in this. very well written and good luck.
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Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. The rhyme in those poem is very good and it does not feel forced at all. I did notice that in a few places you did switch tenses.
I held her close,
As I watched her die;
Look at her one last time,
Before I say my final goodbye.
The first two lines of the above stanza are in the past tense, while the last two are in the present tense.
It also looks like you might have a typo:
Thats all that had to bring her,
Did you mean to type:
Thats all that I had to bring her,
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wow this is a touching piece. so much sadness and emotion that you described with such agony.
thanks for etnering and goodlcuk -
It must be terrible to watch someone die, especially someone who means so much to you. Your feelings of sadness come through clearly in this piece.
Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering
ramblin -
this a good read. i'm sorry for the one you lost, but it is unclear who this is. best of luck in my contest.
--Blessed be--
Dark Princess Vampire -
I'm so sorry that this happened to you...that must have been extremely tragic. Thank you for the beautiful entry.
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