Cold and abandoned
Lying on the floor
Trying to bleed him out of me
Because I can't fight it anymore
Goodbye, wrist, you now serve him
You'll be the canvas for his pain
The immolation for his needs,
No longer bleeding in vain
Yes, baby, this is for you
This is what you want, right?
I'll soak in all your frustrations
To save yours, I'll end my own life
Why are you looking at me like that?
Am I still not good enough?
Don't worry, I'll use this fake smile
To stitch it all right back up
Take my body, take my soul
I promise I'll fix you
Take all your anger out on me
Ruin me, if it will save you
I'll stop breathing, feeling, living,
I don't need to do any of these
You can have everything I am
Let me suffer instead, please
Don't you want me to bleed?
You usually laugh when I do
Let me save you the trouble
Here, sweetie, it's all for you
Slowly dwindling, unlike my blood
That continues to drench me
And the blood draining from your skull,
Now that I'm taking you with me
It's almost over now, honey
Soon we will finally be together
I run my fingers through your blood-soaked hair,
Ready to be with you forever
Our blood is one mixture now
And I bring my fingers to my lips
Tasting the sweetest tastes of all,
The rewards of a murderess
Our struggle comes to an end today
We'll reach our sadistic, twisted bliss
I lift your lifeless mouth to mine
And give you one last, bloody goodbye kiss
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Perfect.
I love this. very effective imagery. my favorite part was :
"Why are you looking at me like that?
Am I still not good enough?
Don't worry, I'll use this fake smile
To stitch it all right back up"
It reminded me of all the times i play pretend in order to appeal to other people. Great write hun, keep it up.
XxMissxJaymiexX
-
Wow and you said this wasn't good. Wow, I guess in the sense of the poetry i'm used to seeing and writing it's more about creating imagery, but I started off writing poems like these. And I like them simply becase theyu show your feelings and aren't crammed with poetic devices, and other stuff. The story behind this was sad. I could feel your anger here, and that was really good, it's always good to let the reader feel your emotion, and feel it as if it was almost them. I think this was wonderful, you used a slightly broad vocab, and this poem was just like teenage angst, it was deep and had really emotion and depth to it.
I think the title is the only bit that lets you down, it could be a better title, for such a wonderful poem.
<33
-
OH WOW, THAT WAS SO INTENSE FOR ME. VERY POWERFUL AND EMOTIONAL. GREAT WRITING.
-
this is very powerful... although it is a commonly written about topic you wrote it in such away which made it seem new. your vocab and expressions are amazing and really make the peice, you really express yourself well and make the reader expiriance much through this.
from the strengh I assume that you have been unfortate enough to expiriance something like this, for that I am truly sorry. However, you did an amazing job of turning such an awful event into a great peice of poetry
-
really good
it made me want to keep reading. i don't know why people aren't reading your poems. this is the only one i read but it is really good. if i can make a suggestion. you should switch around goodbye and kiss in the end. and for the third line in the bottom if you switch it, it could be something like, "this is the last time i'll cry"
-
wow
this poem is really good my friend and your poems do not suck -
That's awesome
You did a wonderful job! That was amazing - I could feel the pain and anger! I have one rape poem - check it out...
You have friends here! -
I love it! Very vivid picture! I know how you feel! I've been raped twice in my life! Very good write! I gotta few rape poems! Read mine plz!
Love alwayz and foreva
~Tasha~
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
