Kitchens chaotic chagrin
chastised me
provoking petulant pouts a-plenty.
Cold coffee cups clattered crass calls
of "wash me"
Beyond boredoms boundaries
grease splattered tiles
threw fickle frowns
with dank distaste
and annoying cries
of..."clean me"
Standing silently in the midst of it all,
half closed insomniac eyes eclipsed
remnants of sunrise smiles.
...Outside,
blackbirds collide
with casully strewn 'special' sandwiches
carefully crafted after last nights
disasterous 'dish of the day' failed
to delight wine numbed tastebuds.
Glacing down
found ponderous paw printed vinyl
dispersing distinctive drones,
with desperate moans
and mentions of
...."mop me"
wash me, clean me , mop me,
wash me , clean me, mop me,
kitchens callous calls comb
cruel strokes of cold hearted calamity
through each sensitive strand of my mind
ceaselessly creating complete
and utter feelings of foul frustrated fury.
Surely there must be more to life than this?
less than a mile away
lakeside landscapes loiter luxuriously
beckoning eager eyes to indulge
in irreplacable decadent natural designs.
...Mind made up..
Pausing by the hall mirror
finds realism... reflection screams
startled shockwaves
depicting despair
...at bedraggled bedroomed stare!!
but..
what the hell,
...messy hair
doesn't show under a hat.
Author notes
option 2. My mark on my wall.
A contest entry
- Enter whatever you think I will like by elemental angel.
500 points, ended March 4, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I just love alliteration by heygoo.
900 points, ended September 14, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are you an adept author? ..... Attempt Alliteration by Heavens Child.
700 points, ended September 25, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is such a delightful look into a kitchen in disarray and the thoughts to leave it for more pleasant views. And I like the bit about the hall mirror, gave me a smile.
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This is really random, and probably what I love about it most. It's an awesome write, so Congratulations and Good Luck for all your contests. I must admit that the whole "wash me, clean me, mop me" amuses me. Yay.
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Great
Yes indeed its mine to do with as I please and when I come back it will still be there for me so lets dance in the beauty of the morning sun and feel nerves settle while I run .
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cool..one of the loveliest piece I have read
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HA!
That's freaking amazing.
It's so amazing that I'm going to go bookmark it.
=]]]]]
Loved this.
Cold coffee cups clattered crass calls
of..."wash me"
That has to be my favorite line, definitely. =]
Good job with this write.
Awesomely done.
-
Standing silently in the midst of it all,
half closed insomniac eyes eclipsed
remnants of sunrise smiles.
...Outside, blackbirds collide
with casully strewn 'special' sandwiches
carefully crafted after last nights
disasterous 'dish of the day' failed
to delight wine numbed tastebuds.
a wonderful piece this one
-
Pure Amazing
Wow I loved this going to the finals for SURE!! The alliteration and just everything is great. Not the emotional piece I usually like but still GREAT!!
Great job and best of luck in the contest.
-Alec -
the format of this piece is incredible, and the message beautiful, and clean ;P
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a very nice write... im not sure what else to say about it... all of those people below me covered it.
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I'm too tired and lazy today to comment. Too many words I don't know off the top of my head, let alone recognize. Thats a good thing. I would normally look them up and become smarter. Great Job!
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this is interesting personally the alliteration is a bit thick but the images are stark and feel rigght in making the actions feel glitterish in a sense nice write and good luck in the contest
love and light,
Blaze
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Excellent
this is almost too well written, the mind numbing dirty chores all sound so poetic and interesting; really-- a fine job here a very creative write full of wonderfully vivid descriptions leaving the reader with a lot of visualization...excellent work...PK
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Brilliant
This is absolutely fantastic. I love the imagery and the alliteration. I like how I can totally relate. Thank you so much for entering and good luck in my contest
Bravo
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absoloute
special...buds...under a hat. i love this. peace
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