With every drop of rain that falls
And every flower that blooms,
Memories of you, my heart recalls,
Of laughter filled morns and sleepy noons...
The grass that's green and the sky that's blue,
The rainbow and the drops of dew.
The birds that chirrup, Oh, all day long...
Singing.. so pretty, and so fair is their song!
Yellow flowers and yellow butterflies;
Touch me deep, let my heart go high.
They all kiss me and I know,
That you up there, know I'm feeling low.
Where have you gone?
The spring's no more...
"Where are you?"
Seeks my heart's deepest core.
My tears in layers,
Shred my heart apart...
Ever since you left,
My peace had to depart.
A contest entry
- options LOTS OF EM by ForgottenMemories.
600 points, ended March 18, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories by Autumn-Blush.
300 points, ended May 15, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by Nam.
900 points, ended August 25, 2007, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win a Trophy? by Nam.
1750 points, ended October 18, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sad Poems please :):) by LeilaJayne.
1400 points, ended January 23, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I love you always forever. by Cherie Elise.
300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - loss of love by LanguishedLad.
650 points, ended March 9, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Why so far away? by MalevolentDesire.
400 points, ended May 15, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Great
Thankyou for entering and this is a great write, I loved it and best of luck in the contest. Keep up the great writing.
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Wow very well done! i like this alot.
the end was great.
good luck in my contest
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"THe rainbow and the drops of dew.
The birds that chirrup, Oh, all day long...."
First line "THe" would be "The". Second line, would not "chirrup" be "chirp"?
A nice poem that you have written here.
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no.. chirrup would stay.. .i prefer that sound... Thanks for pointing out the first typo, though.
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Oh...goodbye is such a lonely word indeed...I loved the last stanza most...very sincere and very lovely as this poem is written from the innermost desires of the heart...
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thank you so much!
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Wow well done very good. A little sad but beautiful. Thanks for entering!
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wow! this piece is sooooooooooooooooooooooo good!!!! I really enjoyed reading this piece!!! excellent write! my favorite part was how you started it "With every drop of rain that falls
And every flower that blooms,
Memories of you, my heart recalls,
Of laughter filled morns and sleepy noons..." sooo good! thanks for entering! excellent write and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
Your rhyme scheme changes between the first verse and the 2nd and 3rd, I would've thought you were aiming for them to be the same, I felt a little lost at the transition. This, on the whole, is actually quite happy, though the last verse saves it.
That last line 'my peace had to depart' is weak, a last line should leave an impression on the reader of the entire poem, and that doesn't as it is.
Your syllable counts at times were distracting, they don't need to be absolutely spot on, but the line 'Seeks my heart's deepest core' is far too long and jars with the rest. This is also laced with cliche, especially the happier verses.
Thank you for entering. -
Beautiful
This really is a stunning piece, but it was so sad! I'm so sorry you had to go through this in order to write it, but it really is very moving. All the best for all the contests, and thankyou for entering mine =]
Frankie xXx
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This work was considered in an effort to qualify you to apply for judgeship in the Raven Contest.
(If there could be a specialty (and maybe there can be) in fragmented works I think you would do very well. You have a way of tying an idea together across the scope of a work that is very pleasing to encounter and read. In this piece you contrast the presence and absence of a loved one, and do so seemlessly. This, as I think I have noted in the past, is a very important trait. Keep it up!) -
i am reading this work in an efort to determine my vote on you as a raven judge. viyanna rosemarie
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wow, great emotion and imagery, and rhyming-- great job... good luck in the contest
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hum...this is so familar to my heart, and so well written...the imagry was not as strong as I would have liked, but the emotion was definatly there...
thanks for the entry
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this is so deep and sad. I enjoyed reading your great poem, great write. best of luck in my contest xxShadowEaterxx
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thank you for your entry best of luck in the contest
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thank you for the good wishes
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it's so emotional, and i guess there's no one who doesn't have tears in his eyes while reading it. it touches deep inside...thanks for posting it!
take care!
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Touched Me
Wow. This is a supreme piece of writing. It touched me. I felt each word especially the ending
"My tears in layers,
Shred my heart apart...
Ever since you left,
My peace had to depart."
beautiful piece of work keep it up -
Wonderfully written
Wow this is amazing Love the way your expressed the sorrow of loss. I could feel the pain in this piece. (Lisa)
"Where have you gone?
The spring's no more....
"Where are you?"
Seeks my heart's deepest core.
My tears in layers,
Shred my heart apart...
Ever since you left,
My peace had to depart."
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oh, my goodness... i love it...this speakes of a sorrow that could come from the death of a loved one {"They all kiss me and I know,
That you up there, know I'm feeling low"} or simply because the one you love left {"Ever since you left,
My peace had to depart"}...but whatever it was aimed at, it conveys the sorrow very very well, and it is one that deserves many readings
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i could feel your pain with every word you wrote, i know how it feels to have endered a loss, this poem has so much feeling
Where have you gone?
The spring's no more....
"Where are you?"
Seeks my heart's deepest core.
My tears in layers,
Shred my heart apart...
Ever since you left,
My peace had to depart
definate keeper poem, a must re-read!!
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this was brilliant. Although it must be a very sore point for you and it still hurts you deeply, it was written beautifully. I could feel the pain in every word and the utter hopelessness in this poem. Well done for such a beautiful piece. So sorry about your loss.
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Hits the spot, touches my heart deeply, i feel you pain x
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great
the feelings we all share
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