Caught beneath erroneous lies,
That surface in varicolored tides in time
Illusions that wrap me in rolled rows of reality
Affixing myself to old notions never proved wrong
Deathly cocktails of shame, piss and agony
An obloquy of self so strong,
All internal vision is smoky, or completely gone
Unfit to judge my every cell
But unable to resist this call into hell
All assessments breathing out with thunder
Contort my Will and bring my Soul under
Curdled by darkness, yet I persist
Forsaking the voices telling me,
I shouldn't even exist
In a list
A contest entry
- Emotions. by lilblueeyesmine1978.
450 points, ended December 24, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is good. thanskf or sharing and good luck in the contest. I like the way the emotyion shows in this and thanks again for sharing.
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"Curdled by darkness, yet I persist
Forsaking the voices telling me,
I shouldn't even exist"
How many times have I felt this? I couldn't even be able to guess, but you penned this feeling brilliantly!
Brava!
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Damn, this piece is so bloody good!!!
like this part here
Deathly cocktails of shame, piss and agony
An obloquy of self so strong,
All internal vision is smoky, or completely gone
Unfit to judge my every cell
But unable to resist this call into hell
dark, fiery, fierce....excellent!!!
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very good poem, definitely weird butvery well written, something that takes a while to pull a meaning from but those are the best kind of poem, very well done
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Very deep and disturbing in a way I felt very uneasy with this read maybe I just dont get it. Are you speaking of the evils of the world or the unknown of ufo ,s out there
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Oooo, I'm liking it!
"Illusions that wrap me in rolled rows of reality" - that is definitely my favourite line here. Such a unique way of describing the feeling of believing in something that isn't real - well that's the impression I got. Of trying to avoid a vapid reality or state of normality. Maybe I am way off here!
I have but one teeny weeny suggestion, I hope you don't mind. Right at the end your poem seems a little out of rhythm; if you changed it to "Forsaking the voices that tell me I shouldn't exist" instead of "Forsaking the voices telling me I shouldn't even exist" I think it would flow better, because there would be less syllables and make it less of a mouthful. I don't think it would detract from the strength of the poem either, but it is just a suggestion!
xAx
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Excellent poetry written indepth on the thought provoking battle with the ego. You don't see much of this intertangled in poetry. Great style!
~DCMB
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Cool
Rock on. Interesting and deep, thought provoking and wonderfully done. The poetic devices that you use in here are magic. I loved it and I have to say that you did a great job. It is one of those poems that I have had to read over a couple of times to really glean and learn from it. Awesome. -
Well Done!
excelent! a wonderful write. love the style and flow of this piece
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[Great background!!! Rest of comment zipped from spilling 'till the end...
] Thank you so much for entering!
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To finish my thoughts a bit. This was powerful and intense, a deep process of thought - given justification. Thank you again, and good luck in all that you do!
Wendy
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WONDERFUL
just another splendid poem of yours yet evryone comes with something unique and intriguing!you have such a talent in befriending with the reader by offering him exactly what he wants: challanging emotions combined with very mysterious background which seem to tell so much yet leave so many open doors!well done again!
goooooooood luck in the contest and keep up!
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