Lay me on a distant land
where groves bear fruits of the sun
and the heavens whisper words
sweet as the morning's dew
Lay me while the waters scurry
Let it tickle my weary hand
as I play with it
like strings of a guitar
Lay me as If I was a feather
falling from an angel's wing
slowly taking down
then resting on earth's arms
Let me lay on the paradise
my illusions created
For reality seems so foreign
So please console me
and lay me down
Author notes
~written on March 3, 2007 - 8:30 AM
~posted on my blog and DeviantArt Page
-Contest Option (The Random Rounds - Pre-Contest)-
23. Rasui Akira
Look at my (Frodofan) four most recent poems and pick A word out of one of them. Use this word at least five times in your poem. It can't be words like "and, a, be, etc.."
(Word is "Lay" from Frodofan's poem entitled "All the Same")
A contest entry
- The Random Rounds - Pre-Contest by Frodofan.
425 points, ended March 27, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
A place you escape to when the world is too overwhelming
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Lay me down
Title - 8/10
Style -7/ 10
Form -6/ 10
Spelling - 10
Captivating -8/ 10
Originality -7/ 10
Reaction -8/ 10
Rules - 10*
Makes sense - 8/10
Enjoyable - 8/10
80 -
Hope I added right:
Lay Me Down by Rasui Akira
Title - 8
Style - 8
Form - 9
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 8
Originality - 8
Reaction - 9
Rules - 10*
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 9
total- 87 -
Title – 7, style 7, form 7, spelling10, captivating 7, original 8, reaction 6, makes sense 8, rules 10, enjoyable 7
total 77 -
Title - 5
Style - 6
Form - 5
Spelling - 9
Captivating - 7
Originality - 7
Reaction - 6
Rules - 10*
Makes sense - 10
Enjoyable - 6
Total: 71 -
Your Score
Title: 10
Style: 9
Form: 8
Spelling: 10
Captivating: 9
Originality: 8
Reaction: 9
Rules: 10
Makes sense: 9
Enjoyable: 9 -
excellent
Very well written and excellent use of your option. You did an exceptional job on the imagery I thought and your creativity seemed to shine in this piece. Great work and good luck! -
hi, I don't comment prior to judging, this is just a note to let you know I've been by.
Good luck in the Competition!
Regards,
dk
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Well done. You used the word so casually that it fits very well in every instance. A smooth read with a figurative depth.
Thanks for putting your challenge in your notes, I know it's not a rule, but it really makes things easier for me.
s and best wishes... ~Genie~
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thanks! take care~ R.A.
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This poem has been read, digested, and scored for the Random Rounds competition by Jimfre Talbent; fruitloop extrodinaire.
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Not bad.
What's best is that the repetition did not bother me. That means it blended in well. Nice imagery. Thanks for entering.
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well, thanks... don't know if I did well but still I'm proud of it.. best wishes ~R.A.
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