sprawling cat
on sunny window sill
its fur fresh licked
eyes half-lidded
expanding at
the call of a bird
it stands, stretching
yawning - ignoring
the unreachable finch
claws extending
raking the sill
ears laid back
fangful mouth
open wide
subside into repose
a few licks on the shoulder
sudden stillness
as it spies
a newcome jay
Author notes
I'm looking for a few specific things in this: I want a new word for 'expanding'. I want a different form for line three and line sixteen. that should do it for now.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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that says it all, the essence of a cat -- grace and short attention span, such beauty.
I think "expanding" is okay.
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thanks. you don't think 'expanding' is too... harsh sounding? the x and ing sounds... kind of shock the poem it seems to me.
thank you for reading
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"enlarging" perhaps?
I read the poem again and noticed a parallel between "expanding" and "extending", which I quite like.
Cats' eyes really do expand. It's just another thing that makes them magical. In fact, there is an old legend that their pupils dilate and contract in harmony with the phases of the moon. -
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hmmm, that's something to think about, the correlation between the two words. thanks
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a good poem, now i could say to you here, my opinion is use capital letters and not use all lowercase letter, and add some full stops commas and such, but this is how you wish to present your poem to other's eyes. i could go through and say change this to that etc, but then i would be rewriting your thoughts.
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that's exactly what I want you to say. tell me what you think would make this better.
I am not perfect and nor are you. neither of us knows everything there is to know.
critique my poems - it makes them better. I may or may not use your advice but give it anyway. I'll never know unless you say what you think might make it better.
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cat's are interesting and entertaining to observe. you've captured it beautifully, like watching a little movie. i also like that the fact that the cat even though realizing it can't get to the bird through the glass, still notices and thinks about it again in the end.
once again, i enjoyed
~ wendy -
You've definitely caught catness with this poem. Those of us who love the beasts just have to smile. I love the tension-release, how it interrupts the hunt to lick its shoulder. Did it chatter, too, at the bird? I love that sound.
Nice, image-filled poem. Thank you for writing for our contest.
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A thing I recognize!!!
I've been feeling incredibly unintelligent reading some of these poems in which I cannot decipher the THING 
. But I know this Thing.
Watchful poem this is. Clearly the author is paying attention to the cat and that is always cool becaue they are so mysterious.
I question the half-lidded in the first stanza simply because if he's watching the finch -- wouldn't the eyes be more wide? Especially because you have darting in there. Usually half lids to me means less attentive.
Like the sound of unreachable finch I keep saying it over and over.. LOL. and they Open wide / subside is nice as well. I am however in love with newcome I don't know why but I love it. It isn't newcomer it is just newcome which sounds so poemy.
Thank you for this. As you know there are three judges in this contest so we'll be comparing our notes soon.
Appreciate your writing for the Secret of a Thing contest.
Lisa -
That damn fluttery frivolous finch is always just out of reach, well the cat might try for it, but cats are good at conserving their energy for the plumper, more easily caught jays.
The essence of cat is caught perfectly here, as is the essence of discerning what is worth exerting oneself for and what is not.
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i like it. very nice job with writing this. wasn't flooded with ridiculously long, foreign words. very simple. the imagery is awesomely woven in. very very nice. enjoyed the read. good luck in the contest.
blu
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Excellent visualization here.
I don't even like cats but I like this poem and you brought this kitty to life with just a few well-woven words.
Marvelous creativity!
Cris
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