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monthly







march 2nd 1993

 

 

 

i felt like a diary
yellowy paper
the beautiful baby blonde
cover

up-in the middle pages
blue cornflowers
pressed
tightly in sequence

on my thighs

a few overnight blossoms
in march
my summer dresses
always worn and torn

below the knee
the knee in my below the belt

where your pen
waxed and red,
  like afterbirth
bled too much ink
on one spot

because the urge
lacked control

 

 

march 2nd 2007

 

 

 

but tonight your present
is a set of tires
flat, deflated
not blown up with ego

and the slut will bear weeds
half demolished
by winter

it came late,

but once your gone
the months will come back
and i’ll hate one week
each time

just the first week
and i’ll flush you away
with afterbirth

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes


.
today was his god damn birthday
and i survived it
.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 38 of 38

  • deadcolor dreams
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really cool. I like your shorter poems better, but it was definately a well deserved gold! I love ya. Your awesometastic. I like the message especially. survival.


  • Cherokee
    March 13, 2007
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    I know... it's all about surviving.


  • -Ink Artist-
    March 12, 2007

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    F'n stunning metaphor! Girl, you have unequaled creativity and pure raw talent. This write is amazing, I think the best I've ever read from you. You brought your pain to the page with distinction and cause. I'm floored and damn near speechless. You are incredibly strong. I'm proud of you!

    ily

    ~Lori


    • SurelyWritten
      March 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you honey- i am rather proud of this, so i'm glad you liked it too. <33


  • Heart Sutra
    March 8, 2007
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    This is stunning! Congratulations on the gold!

  • deleteit
    March 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I admit, I had to read some of the comments to see if any elaborated about the meaning behind this and now that I know, I can put it into relation. Very intense and rightly so. Raw emotions, as bad as it may be, always makes for great writing. This without a doubt, proves it so.


  • Mallius
    March 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm commenting just to let you know i've read your poem. It doesn't need my comments, it only needs to be admired.


  • Whispered Devotions
    March 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'm captivated by this but I seem to get lost when I read it... I think I am dense because I dont really understand. I love this poem so much but I cant seem to grasp the images... it reads as so metaphorical to me but I know without a doubt that it si supposed to be more straight forward because I can feel it... I can feel it deeper than ever and I just wish I could understand the meaning between these lines.


    Amy

    • SurelyWritten
      March 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      lol- it is a bit below the surface, its about growing up with sexual abuse, and i used my period as a metaphor so i didn't have to talk about it openly.. my period was late this month, but i still got to flush it away, you know? i hate my brother = i hate my period... maybe its sick and twisted, but i thought it would make a neat metaphor.. lol, you probably didn't want to know all that either, oops.. thanks for reading hun, i'm really proud of this write.


      -S

      • Whispered Devotions
        March 7, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        Oh God no, that is horrible and I dont mind you venting it at all... I lived this nightmare as well... I am writing a series of Therapy writed right now to help myself heal called "Inside Arianna" The first one starts with "The Torn Pages of Arianna" and it is my favorite one so far, the images are straight up with some metaphors and vivid. this was a brilliant write and I am sorry to hear this story. Your brother's birthday you mean?


  • ronnica
    March 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    So sad, to live with this pain,
    One day it will not be there anymore, meanwhile this is a great posting
    Keep well


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    March 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I notice this poem won a gold trophy so I hesitate to offer a critique. I thought it was imaginative and painful. The only line that I felt was awkward was line 21. I know what you were saying but I thought it could have been phrased more gracefully. Congratulations on your award.

    • SurelyWritten
      March 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I think maybe you misunderstood this a bit then, as its not imaginative at all- only true and disgusting. As for line 21, I think your a mind reader, lol, when I first wrote this, that line and then one following it weren't in it. I just added them last minute.. I'll think on it, see if anyone else mentions it. <3 Thanks for stopping by, and I always appreciate critical response, so don't ever hesitate to give me a suggestion.

      -S


  • Minorchar
    March 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very effective, kind of wrenching (in a good way), nice job!

    • SurelyWritten
      March 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      yes, very wrenching, but so is the subject, so i guess it works lol. thanks for stopping by, i appreciate it. <3


  • oldmanriver1942
    March 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very Moving!! love this piece of art!


  • RatherImaginative silver member
    March 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Moving. And beautiful imagery!

  • tara wilson gold member
    March 5, 2007
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    this is amazing, stunning, WOW. Congrats to you on your very deserved gold.


  • poetryality silver member
    March 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful, sad, vivid, and surreal. Seems completely personal and quite haunting. The GOLD trophy win is right on point!


    Renee


  • Aowena
    March 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Intense!

    Wow, this poem is heavy! You really nailed the emotional content and the structure seemed to frame it nicely. My only suggestion would be to try taking out some of your "ands". My creative writing prof has been forcing me to do this and although I usually immediately object it does strengthen the flow. i.e. waxed, red instead of waxed and red which results in fragmentation of thought and description. Ultimately though, I loved it!


  • Sock
    March 4, 2007

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    This is good. personal and sad, yet an ounce of hatred, enough for it to protrude into the poem. Amazing job.


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a unique write - very personal and just what was asked for. Congrats on the gold - well deserved.

  • Nicole Hanna
    March 3, 2007
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    Beautifully done. Not sure I can say much more than that without waxing on ridiculously poetic.


  • Seltz
    March 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is such a vivid poem well written great imagery!!! but once your gone
    the months will come back
    and i’ll hate one week
    each time
    just the first week
    and i’ll flush you away
    with afterbirth
    wonderful poem




  • LadyUnique silver member
    March 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i apologize for being too tired to comment... much
    this is what i call perfection. i love reading work like this


  • Dead Star--x
    March 2, 2007

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    your dads birthday? or thomsas? either way i like this poem hun- i miss you and i feel like we havent talked in agaes---we really havent! anyway im going for a free gfold membership im at 92 comments now- so im commenting up my ass in memory of you because you would comment me out of the competetion if you were on here. but i luv ya
    *Abused : F*

    • SurelyWritten
      March 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      neither- my fucking dickhead brothers bday.. lmao, next time you go on commenting spree i will race you. <3 haha, i miss you too... i feel so bad cause i haven't talked to any of my friends lately.. i'm so god damn busy! i'll be back soon, i promise.


  • blackday
    March 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oh bb. :[ <3

    this is really good though. so good. i can't describe. -sigh-

1 - 38 of 38