I.
There are ugly marks
on my wrists:
one, faceless red;
the first time you kissed me
two, pure white;
the first time I tried to kill myself
three, dark purple;
the first time you hit me
and the rest is flesh
waiting to be branded.
II.
Who will bring flowers
that do not wither
and split each day
in compartments
and fragments of poetry
that shouldn’t be written
by a child
III.
Your blood is congealing
clotting against mine
as a spiders web stops
fly’s from singing
there is red in the carpet now
pushing to the ground
with invisibles
who follow fog, just to
disappear
x
Author notes
I apologise for my cliches. x Written for the contest
A contest entry
- Sadness and pain by x-Black-Butterfly-x.
370 points, ended March 7, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Arw this is so sad, and perfect...
baby i love yoo <333
"two, pure white;
the first time I tried to kill myself" ... i relate...
i hope you are ok...<3
loveyoop x
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I agree with most, though it was a bit cliche at parts, you turned it into something beautiful [I don't think anybody but you could do that]
"Your blood is congealing
clotting against mine
as a spiders web stops
fly’s from singing"
--beautiful beautiful beautiful.
Thats my favorite part. It echos acros my mind.
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This was good and i like how you did it in 3 parts very well done thnx and gd luck
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Eh, maybe it does have a little bit of clichéness to it but fuck, you make it so good. I especially love this:
"as a spiders web stops
fly’s from singing"
--superb. I haven't seen you use this format before and I think you've done excellent with it. Although this entire thing is sad, the part that stained me with hurt the most was this:
"and fragments of poetry
that shouldn’t be written
by a child"
--do not know why but it did. Love this piece.
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w.o.w.
this was marvelous.
deep && moving.
[in a dark sort of way]
but nothing short of perfection.
absolutely amazing.
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Don't apologize for a marvelously well done write Jess, cliches or not dear. Dark and very deep, like a walk on the Titanic.
Sweet
Dad
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"I.
There are ugly marks
on my wrists:
one, faceless red;
the first time you kissed me
two, pure white;
the first time I tried to kill myself
three, dark purple;
the first time you hit me
and the rest is flesh
waiting to be branded."
you may think that first one is seen as "cliche,"
but really, it isn't at all. maybe the subject, but that's inevitable. the way you write makes everything fresh [even torn flesh.]
"as a spiders web stops
fly’s from singing"
"follow fog, just to
disappear"
loved these.
good luck. -
your poems have become so sad recently. I don't know what's going on with you, but I hope that you're able to over come it, because you're a strong person. And I don't see any cliches in there at all, blah far from cliches.
aah i just don't know what to say about your stuff anymore apart from it being amazing, so I shall read and just be silent.
just keep it all up
<33
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I think it's because of my drama.. it's bringing a lot of stuff back, which is coming into my poetry. I think I@ll go back to normal after it's over. x
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oooh, are you doing it on the tuesday?
I might be coming.
Either way though, good luck when you finally do the real thing
<33
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wow if those are cliches you wore them with stlye in here. you did very well in not chocking the poem with them && still managing to shape around your original style.
♥
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totally get it...reminds me of the past
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