as I’m writing this, I know two things for sure..
one, I shouldn’t be writing this
because all these thoughts do anymore
is make me hurt
& two,
well, I still love you..
there I’ve said it, It’s out there
n’ there’s nothing you nor I can do
& I can’t change the way I feel..the way I’ll always feel
around you; it’s like all the messiness disappears
from the past & our own faults & fuck-ups
are tossed aside
n’ I can only see you
I feel unwhole
You took something with you
& I want it back
feels like every time I regain my ground
its swept up under me again..
I can’t keep doing this anymore
this time I’m not regaining composure
&& this fake façade of how happy I am
that you’ve found someone else
is dwindling into sadness quick
n’ I told you I wouldn’t cry anymore
but you had to know it was just a pretty lie
to make things go smoothly
so we can get back to being ok again..
I say so many things to you anymore
that I don’t mean…
but..i don’t know what else to do
Author notes
option #7
A contest entry
- Quote Contest! by vampedvixen.
1200 points, ended December 8, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
comments, suggestions, appreciated..
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow. I've been in this position before, and it hurts just as much as you tell here in this poem. It's hard to see the person you love go off with someone else and live that happy life you wanted to have with them. I especially liked the "I say so many things to you anymore that I don’t mean…" part because I used to do that a lot with the person in my own life. The only thing I would change about this poem is to maybe write out & as "and", because using the symbol doesn't seem to fit in with the poem. I highly enjoyed this piece though. Very awesome!
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thank you for commenting and also thanks for the bronze! great contest!!
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Very well written poem. I enjoy reading poems such as yours, poems that are REAL and bursting with genuine emotion. This poem can relate to similar past experiences in relationships, not only just for me, but many others as well I'm sure can relate to. Beautiful write! Best of luck, and thank you for entering my contest
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thank you so much.
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I loved this write. It's amazing, and the flow was wonderful. I think you broke up the stanza's great and the wording you used helped the emotion flow from the piece and into the readers heart. Making them feel the pain and loss of a love. Thank you for entering this into my contest and I wish you the best of luck!!!
Casey
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Thank you for Subjecting yourself to my review. I think that you have done a pretty good job on this poem. You have definitely emoted your feeling to the reader. i was just slightly put off by the colloquialisms, but that is just me. I did find a minor typo.
&& this fake façade of how happy I am
Should be:
& this fake façade of how happy I am -
Good luck and thanks for entering.
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This really hits home with me. It is exactly what I am going through at the moment. Beautifully written.
& I can’t change the way I feel..the way I’ll always feel
around you; it’s like all the messiness disappears
from the past & our own faults & fuck-ups
are tossed aside
n’ I can only see you
Definitely my favourite lines.
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Alright I'll comment. I don't think Joe is worth a poem. SO if he gets one...where is mine?? lol. Kidding. You already know my opinon on Joseph...now Spencer! Man is he something to look at it. :-) A GREAT write by the way. But you already knew that.
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wow just as you said you could relate with my poem in your comment I can truly relate with this, living a lie saying you are happy, I walk the same walk.
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hey i really like this... the honesty in this is great! you have done a great job with this.. and i feel for you! keep up the great work and good luck!
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o heart/break- so much you said in this doll you poured out everything and its beautiful! thanx for entering and good luck!
*Abused
*
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thank you, great contest btw
-lys
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this is a great write. i've been here before.
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