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March Light

The tentative paperblue light, streaking the sky
is a vast, cool sheet only
broken
by the ink tributaries streaming
towards the dense dark trunk
of that spindly tree.

Author notes

Short poems.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Naznomarn
    May 13, 2007

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    Hrmm. Not entirely sure what to think of this. I think it feels a little dry. I think that's mostly because there are so many long words in such a small space, it makes them seem claustrophobic to me and counters the idea of the vast expanse of the sky and the drifting quality of clouds in the sky.
    It seems as if you've taken the sky, and pinned it down into a forest, almost killing the whole concept.

    Just my thoughts though.


    • squeezy
      May 14, 2007
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      That was the intention

      March was quite a dark, looming time this year. We had heavy skies and snow.


  • Violinstrings silver member
    May 3, 2007
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    good

    good interpetation of trees.very advance language skills

  • Synful-symphony
    March 21, 2007

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    Interesting

    What I found fascinating about this one is the flow, how the break before the third line mimics the word. Break, the line breaks like the word, giving a more vivid visual. I usually dislike words flying over the page or abrupt breaks, but this had an interesting effect. I enjoyed the imagery in this one very much. Lovely piece. This feels very polished and finished. In this case, that is a good thing.


  • mylilpunchki
    March 5, 2007

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    i thought that this was a great piece of work. You are a very talented writer and maybe one fay be known. Good job and i hope that you keep up the good work.
    Lindsay


  • paullallady silver member
    March 5, 2007

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    what a strong image you have portrayed here.
    Vivid imagery displayed in such a short poem,
    and yet done so well.
    great job in this and good luck in the contest.

    • squeezy
      March 6, 2007
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      Thanks for your comment

      Glad you enjoyed the poem.


  • silverscent gold member
    March 4, 2007

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    What a powerful image. The original take on a sky, cut by the tree branches was outstanding. Impressive indeed. Thanks for entering.

    • squeezy
      March 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for your comment- much appreciated.

1 - 10 of 10