I hear his knock
Thundering inside me
I try with all my strength
To ignore the pounding
The walls within me shake and rumble
My insides are left burning and boiling
Every one of my ribs
Are left bruised and cracked
He's tortured by the halo
That I undeservingly wear
It flames his skin
And blisters his face
I don't know how much longer
I will be able to contain him
He scratches and claws, tears and rips
To find some way out
This game is so hard, but
I've bent every damn rule
I've tricked all the tricksters
And I've pranked all the pranksters
Nobody can see the dark,
The evil,
The malice,
The vicious, I've comported
But, I don't know how much longer
I can keep him contained
Through all these years of deception
He's dug a hole so close to the surface
Author notes
dear, redmarkonthewall...Option 1: Find a picture (sorry 'bout that)
In a list
A contest entry
- Bury Me In Black #2 (dark poetry) by EvenStarsBreak--x.
450 points, ended April 2, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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"The walls within me shake and rumble
My insides are left burning and boiling
Every one of my ribs
Are left bruised and cracked"
Was my favorite part... goog job! ^-^ and thanks for entering my contest. ^-^ -
I have felt this way a lot lately. Trying to escape the demon within. It's harder than it sounds. Great write. I loved it.
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Everytime I read one of Kathy's reviews it makes me think that I don't drink enough caffine.
Anyway, I think you have taken a fairly common concept here and developed it into a story about yourself, giving a personal element that adaquetly explains the battle you struggle with.
I just finished watching an episode of The West Wing where someone accuses someone else of allow his demons to shout down the better angels in his head... to a degree, maybe that is what you are doing. Anyway, keep up the fight... it seems to suit you, poetically at least.
Good luck in your future works.
~Das -
First off the picture is fantastic... I love it..
This one reminds me of the movie 'The Excorcist' [Linda Blair]
'tis spoken as if the devilish spirit really resides within... You keep the intense images flowing strongly and vividly...
I have days when i feel this way... lol.
You are a talented young lady. Keep your ink flowing darl.. Well done...
Jeffro
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SPECTACULAR!!!
WOW!! this is SPECTACULAR!! great picture as well!!
you are so very talented!! my favorite lines are: He's
tortured by the halo so very profound and so very
real!! This game is so hard but I've bent every damn
rule!! WOW and double WOW!! I have bent them too!!
I can really relate to this line and all of them!! for
that matter! He's dug a hole so close to the surface.
this line gave me goose bumps!! so very well written
you have done a EXCELLENT job. Thank You!!
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Nobody can see the dark,
The evil, The malice,
The vicious, I've comported
But, I don't know how much longer
I can keep him contained
Through all these years of deception
He's dug a hole so close to the surface
this shows how evryone is trying to hid the beast within excellent
read!!!!
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Thank you for your entry into my contest, your talent and hard work are very much appreicated. When i first entered this poem, the picture above it made me pause for a minute, so jarring was it. Its vicious beauty ads extra depth and imagery to the poem, that was a great choice on your part. Over all, great presentation, eve if it did end a little to abruptly. Other than that, great job and good luck.
Your Host,
Tiphanie -
Well done.
Thank you for complying. This is a very good poem, I like it very much. Thank you for entering and best of luck! -
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well, it also kind of falls into option 7...it's a metaphorical/inspired by picture poem. So, do as you please.
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WOW....
this is creepy as hell sis...
and that pic? I'ma have nightmares tonight....
but what's the most disturbing...is that he tries to be in all of us... he's real.
This is a great write of the spiritual battlefield that lies within each and every one of us... the devil is definitely not biased.
BRAVO
Heidi -
With such pain and anguish
Wonderfully dark and sad. You expressed your self to the limit. Of unbearable suffering. Your choice of words were magnificent(Lisa) AP mom
"The walls within me shake and rumble
My insides are left burning and boiling
Every one of my ribs
Are left bruised and cracked
He's tortured by the halo
That I undeservingly wear
It flames his skin
And blisters his face"
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I liked this,
good luck in my contest -
deepest love
deepest love gives us sweetest thoughts. this verse mirrorises all the happiest versions of love .
love being an universal subejct objects none to peep in
good verse with thoughtful words -
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!!!!!!!!
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