NURSERY RHYME
People on my left and right
Laughing with all mirth and might
Leave in me a life delight
Consoling my heart in tight
Helping me with soaring height
Fill in me all cooling sight
Staring at that city light
A wonder thought does give me fright
Where is our inner light
Have we spilled and made it slight
Filling dark inside is blight
Leaving us with less insight
Making daily life in plight
Why should we all start a fight
When friendship is burning bright
We need not be full of fright
War will end with peace upright
Don’t be afraid of twilight
Setting Sun will bring us light
Let us go and fly a kite
Well before the dark and night
Author notes
rule no .4 the name of my pet parrot can be 'cutie'
A contest entry
- Pick! It's up to YOU! by redmarkonthewall.
525 points, ended March 6, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre Write Contest by SensualWhispers.
615 points, ended March 15, 2007, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling all Poets for Poetry #2 (minamal pre-writes allowed) by The Void.
315 points, ended March 29, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you have what it takes by Improv Machinery.
400 points, ended July 5, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of All Your Rhymes by One Angry Monkey.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my prewrites by leander.
650 points, ended February 21, 2008, 108 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetic Lyrics by Anfractuous.
335 points, ended May 8, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes by vampireprincess.
315 points, ended June 25, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mega-Rhymer! by albymyheart.
1600 points, ended July 17, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Go For The Gold/Rhymers by piccola.
500 points, ended August 31, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT by WesBreezyxxx.
400 points, ended December 31, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Random Options by Shrat.
700 points, ended January 1, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Nursery Rhyme by Tqop.
650 points, ended February 27, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I like how every line rhymed. I bet it was difficult to find all those rhyming words. Very well written. I like the feel of the poem. There is a good morale in the poem.
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I love this. This is way too awesome.
Way cool. I love this. It's so brilliant, and fun, and natural.
Good job.
*****
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Woah. Great, great rhyme. *applauds* Though it did seem a bit forced in places, I think thats completely unavoidable with a poem with this type of rhyme. Nice job! Best of luck in my contest!
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yeah nice
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This is brilliant
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cool poem. i liked the feel of every line.
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Nice job ... all of that rhyming! It has a name, I know but cant remember right now. anyway, thank you for entering the contest. I see it's been in several
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I enjoyed the nursery Rhyme, "my bedtime story tonight"
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You have made an honourable attempt with this mega-rhymer. Each line does end in the "ight" sound but in the effort to rhyme in this way, I feel you have compromised the poem's message with the rhyme being forced.
As with leander's comment, you can't just take the "s" off the word "light" and have it make grammatical sense, unless you also change the word "those" to "that" and then we are talking about a single light.
I will leave the critique there.
Overall it is great to see others exploring rhyme like this and having fun with words.
Thank you for entering...alby
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Sometimes long poems with the same rhyme tend to go down hill, but this poem keeps up the whole time. Good job and good luck
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I really like how you managed to write a monorhyme here, and letting every line ending with the same sound as well (t) although, I noticed one little grammatical oopsie:
Second stanza, first line: light -> lights
However, you can change the line itself so that you would still keep that 't' sound in there:
"Staring at this city light
Anyway, thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
Thanks for the contest entry. you've made a solid attemt at a very difficult rhyme scheme, i feel that the persistant rhyming has forced you to lose a little bit flow in the lines though.
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nicely done, but not exactly what im looking for. great write though. that whole every line ending with a "t" sound didnt really tickle my fancy. thanks for entering
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I am in awe at your rhyming ability here. This is really cute and I love your phrasing. The way you worded this was terrific. great job on this one.
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This is a very cute poem And it definitly rhymes,And with no seriousness in it you would have to call it nursury rhyme.With a ligh hearted poems like this your sur to make people smile.Nicely done. Good Luck in the contest.
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WOW
You acutally managed to pull off the "t" sound on every line that's wonderful. You've done a fantastic job. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. kassie -
the rhythm and rhyme in this is great, the imagery is superb. you did an excellent job with this with everything ending with the same sound. you have talent. keep writing. God bless you always
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Good
Some punctuation may help this poem a bit. It is a good write and read and I like the alliteration I spotted througout it. Nicely done. I am curious however if you could rhyme all the lines with "-ight" insead of 't'. Most of your line are..so yeah. Anways thanks for entering! Good luck!
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