Images flash...
of a life gone wrong.
Lived too short.
Blood flow...
from a wound
that takes your life.
Suffocation...
eyes open wide,
all breath is gone.
As life escapes
your helpless body,
Alone...
you lay
in a crimson pool
of your own blood.
Death...
creeps up on you
takes your life.
Darkness consumes.
Invading all that
was once your life...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Death is all that remains...
Police report the body of
a young woman was found today.
Her identity is unknown
at this point.
She was found in an alleyway.
Her throat....slit open.
Author notes
This is my attempt at a spooky dark write..what is in italics is supposed to represent something like a news report....I don't know...I tried
In a list
A contest entry
- Mini Challenge....Round 2 of 3......INVITE ONLY! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 13, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Well
This is a gerat poem. You've done a fantastic job on this poem. lol I see you wrote in a differnt contest and won honorable mention today. Congrads on that. Thanks for entering and thebest of luck to you. Kassie -
Once again lil brother you have managed to reach down and pull forth some darkness that lies within the confines of your mind. A rather interesting piece you have penned. Now, you should know me well enough by now to know such images are not a scare to me though they would suffice to scare many others. I do however like the idea you used in the end with the news report/media. A very unique addition to this piece. Thank for entering and good luck!
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Critique
Now that I've had a better look at it, in my opinion iI think line 13 should use the word 'lie' instead of 'lay'. However , the concept of police and new media report does set the tone of this piece in the manner of how you avoided the language of first person. Good luck and keep penning -
inetersting write there Kiddo. I liked the way you tried to make it sound like a news report. But I guess when you lived in my shoes nothing really spooks you out. Not scarry enough for me.. love ya..
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See you came up with something, very good job here I really like this.
I love you
Elizabeth
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you did a good job on this for your frist time, i mean wow, i kind of got creeped out there, but that is the thing about dark write, you never stay the same when you write them, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Such a sad thing to happen
Tragic and deep this poem is and it's sad that it's based off reality
All the best to you, my friend -
I think the pic and poem does very well together wonderful try lobo
Roses to you
Teresa
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i think the imagery is great, a little creepy and the way you put the headlines in the paper bit is a so oft found thing. unknown bodies with no names. murderers out on the loose. well done on a fantastic write, good luck with the contest
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