The breath of Neptune carries me
Upon an undulating sea
I ride with Dolphins. lost in time
Knowing that this new world is mine
I hear a mermaid softly sigh
Dancing with life, I reach so high
The pinnacle of love I see
As my beloved captures me
A pearl within a oyster waits
Behind the rainbow, coral gates
There stands my king with arms so wide
Waiting to take me as his bride
I find my Kingdom, want no more
I have no need of greed or war
Beneath the ocean I'm the Queen
The fairest there has ever been
A contest entry
- Rhyme Time by Kevan.
390 points, ended March 3, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Fatastic, amazing.
I really like this.
I like it so much
It's a finalist!
-
sweet
A cute and sweet fantasy that is vividly painted by your well rhymed words making a pleasant experience to read.
-
Charming
What wonderful imagery of a fairy tale world beneath the sea. As if you take us all there with you as we read this piece. -
Beautiful...
I wanna go down into the kingdom beneath the ocean and find my king...
This is so nice... peaceful...I love it...
xoxo
Heidi -
There is some very excellent rhyme and meter here, the first stanza is perhasp the best...the last stanza would be greatly, greatly imporved if the rhymes were "true" rhymes...Shangrila and star do not really rhyme and are hard on the ear after all of the fine rhyme that has gone before...bravo...bravo...bravo...
-
-
Thankyou.
Yes, I take your point.What do you think of the edited version, Ros
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
