Beauty is something we all like to see
like a rose blooming in the summer sky
however beauty can be painful
especially if while admiring that beautiful rose
you slice your finger on a thorn
Beauty doesn't come without a price
Things are done that harm oneself
yet keep the beauty alive
The pain from beauty is ignored
like the sores from ballerina feet
while performing such graceful acts
or the weight that is lost to maintain
the illusion of beauty
Why does beauty tax us so?
the ones striving for beauty say
as their bodies hurt in many places
the old saying comes to mind
"No beauty without pain"
Author notes
Please critique this piece. I really would like to hear what you think
A contest entry
- Photo Contest IV by Elrenia.
300 points, ended March 2, 2007, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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you need to make it more personal it sounds to dry like it was a school paper. You have done better than this before, reach out and in to your mind and soul find the imagery and the right words to express the pain of beauty. Show us the hardship of trying to fit the norm of what people think of as beautiful. You say no beauty without pain well show us what that is like.
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Concise and well written, however, I feel as though I am reading an essay, instead of a poem. It does not need to rhyme, but there should be some rhythm. Poetic devices are also a big help: metaphors, similes, alliteration, etc. I love what you have to say, I just think there may be a more poetic way to say it.
Well wishes in the contest.
Thank you for sharing.
rous -
i think its kinda good but it doesnt rhyme that much
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