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No Bounderies

I made love to you tonight
In another womans bed
I know it's not right
I wanted you instead

I looked into her eyes today
I saw only you
Your image just wont go away
No matter what I do

I went to her on bended knee
But my hearts not true
For the future that I see
Is spent with only you

I said the words I do today
It was like suicide
I told her I put you away
I couldn't if I tried

I'm on a honeymoon for two
But there's really three
I think she always knew
You're where I want to be

Author notes

Blue--Because that's how I feel when I'm not with you

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • AlittleWrong
    February 8

    Edit | Reply

    Pretty Good :-)

    the topic is just what I was looking for and the emotion was definitely there. However, a couple of the rhyme schemes do seemed forced. ie:

    I'm on a honeymoon for two
    But there's really three
    I think she always knew
    You're where I want to be

    just a suggestion, but how about:

    I'm on a honeymoon for two
    When really there are three
    I think that she always knew
    You are where I want to be

    Besides that, that stanza is awesome. i like your wording and the way you describe your feelings. good job

    • bluecollarlove
      February 8
      Edit | Reply

      TY

      I bet I have struggled with those little changes so many times in so many poems that I now tend to leave them as they stand.Not saying it can't be better.


  • XXCrimsonRaineXX
    April 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed reading this poem. My favorite lines were
    I went to her on bended knee
    But my hearts not true
    For the future that I see
    Is spent with only you

    I said the words I do today
    It was like suicide
    Excellent write, and good luck in my contest.

    XXCrimsonRaineX


  • Dead Hair
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "I made love to you tonight
    In another womans bed"

    A very touching two lines, very effective. You just struck unlucky though, I always analyze the feelings of that unwanted woman.
    I can't help it, but I tend to jump to her defense.
    Preference aside, though, this is very well penned.
    I especially love the part about the honeymoon for three.
    I also like how you gave the unwanted woman credit, (she had the intelligence/common sense and awareness to realize the narrator didn't want her.)
    Well done!


  • kacooper
    April 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. this is so sad. it really speaks to me right now. thank you for such a good read

    • bluecollarlove
      May 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      what up cooper

      It is a pretty sad situation.And if you dont mind me saying so.....You are gourgous.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    April 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well Indeed an inatriguing task you did here..well done...


  • alaskanamber
    April 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    What's funny is I thought I recognized this piece. You entered it in the original cheaters club contest. It's still very nice. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • forgot2b3forgotten
    April 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    mmm amazin

  • alaskanamber
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I agree it's sad. No one wants to be alone so we settle for less. At least us that are weak. Thanks for entering. good luck.


  • Abe 1
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    sad aint it
    we lust others & in turn others hurt
    thanks 4 such a great write
    abe


  • DAMSELx
    January 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing write. I lovvvvvved everything about it.




    suggestion: change "Your" in the last line to "You're"

    • bluecollarlove
      January 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      It's amazing sometimes where or why things come to be written.Guess I'm in a thinking mode today.


  • HisPrincessMaloka
    August 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    OMG that's so how I'm feeling right now. This is written so well. I love that first stanza. This one is great.


  • A63-Angel
    August 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!

    I know just what this is talking about, my first marriage I was barely 19, but had his daughter and felt it was right even though my heart was with another. Well, I lost the first and am married a second time and my heart still belongs with that man who stole it when I was but 18. Excellent write!!


  • blemished irises
    August 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well Michael, I don't really understand how this poem is "me", but it is a decent poem.
    I liked the line
    "Your where I want to be"
    Because I'm feeling that about my boy friend. It's kind of a peaceful ending to a somewhat vulgar story. Thanks for pointing out such a good poem to me.

  • trace3grls
    August 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    please give me option number i dont want to dq you it is a beautiful poem......


  • Florida Sunshine
    August 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome job ~ I liked this ~ it was beautifully done.~

    Thanks for entering my contest ~ good luck to you


  • duana
    August 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow, talk about the power of temptation taking over a person- this is very sad- poor wife.


  • Number 13
    July 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so sad, very deep as well.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    March 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    SO HEART BREAKING

    I cant believe the heart ache this poem brings to me, to be in love with someone you cant have, those last words(I think she always knew Your where I want to be)This was real close to the heart...


  • JoyfulWriter
    March 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! Very powerful words creating very powerful emotions and anticipation of visions still out of reach...smiles, Terry

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