Dispirited drinkers, workers, venture lost to the nearest tavern
A dreamy monastic window offers momentary shelter from a cruel world
The crafty miller secures a full years business shaking hands with another ill-advised victim
The planned deceit bringing pleasure to his money grabbing soul
As he turns the old wheel that grinds nought but the purest corn
An owl hoots with patient glee, the sun burns radiantly
The tone is set for the optimistic, whose dreams elude their short-sighted pleasures
The wisest swans circle the bedraggled lake
Knowing all to well the simple hearts of deluded men
The day moves forward as the doctor breathes, the chemist trades and the sick sit propped up recuperating with tales of past vglories soon to be long forgotten
How the people yearn for magic, to entertain these dreary days
Street theatre rears its humility in some other town
Somewhere else the show must go on
As impassive spectators stare in dismay; a sight to bottle
And discuss on a day filled with nostalgic humour
Like seagulls the men with fishing rods convene#
Only at this warm and well loved site
In silent competition they cast - many yards apart
Emotionless, transfixed, the fleshy men watch intently
Hoping the line will tug a miracle
The scarlet woman raises aloft a vain smile
One that covers her forgotten sins and looks ever to the future
A crooked gate beckons newcomers to a golden field beside a hill
Naive cyclists dart by, mesmerising a poor dabbling artist
As he brandishes a crude brush with meagre flair
All of them trying to conquer the hill
But what treasures will tomorrow bring?
A contest entry
- Anything by wanderingstarlet.
414 points, ended March 14, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING! by DelaneyDisaster.
300 points, ended April 2, 2007, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please be critical and also mention what you liked
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I'll deal with the little typos first:
'Knowing all to well', that should be 'too'.
'vglories'... 'glories'.
'convene#' why the #?
I quite liked this, it was like walking down a street and just watching people live their lives, which was quite nice, but I think the message at the end wasn't made clear enough, so pretty as it was I was left feeling a bit lost when it finished.
Thankyou for entering -
hmm... my attention span is short today... i think i got fishing outta that... hehe but it was cool. thx and good luck!
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You have a typo in the last line of the second paragraph. The description is first rate and defines the characters with unique precision. "In silent competition they cast - many yards apart." This provides action and thought to the situation, but also is a more universal statement about human activity. This reminds me of Dylan Thomas's production of Under Milkwood. His love and care with people sets a standard for this type of writing. You are not quite there yet, but I congratulate you.
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Oh I really loved this line "A crooked gate beckons newcomers to a golden field beside a hill" It just really paints an awesome picture, it's so descriptive without being overbearing. Well done
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Wonderful
Rich in the reality of life and the days that fill it. Beautifully written and expressed.
*Go with God* my friend,
Valerie
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WELL..................................
Wow, this is some deep thinking stuff you got going on here! What a vocabulary! I like the title. You must have put some serious work into this one!!!!!!
POETDONTKNOWIT
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