wonderland rejecter her
- no glitter, fairies & wishes
no knight in shining armour
to come to the rescue
bloodstained lillies
glitter stained with exctasy
exctasy stained with lies
melancholy clouds
rain acid-drops
as she walks alone
tainted smile smudged
across ghostly cheeks
speckled with tears
she lives in n e v e rland
where nothing works
and nobody cares
her 3 wishes didn't come true
she's still here
crown of thorns
upon ruffled blonde hair
reflects her inner princess
- fucked.
wonderland rejected her
and so did life
Author notes
-MrsWonka-
option 2, 5 & 8
picture http://i19.tinypic.com/3zjjde1.jpg [wonderland reject]
A contest entry
- But we flew to far away from Neverland... by Dawliah.
600 points, ended March 1, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A rather odd, and vibrantly colored poem. This line confused me:
"exctasy stained with lies"
I mean, the word connotation that I see you're trying to enhance is a bit odd. I would give Ecstacy a darker appeal than lies. MAybe re-read it?
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That line "exctasy stained with lies" refers to like sexual exctasy, but it was all a lie. If you get what i'm trying to explain..
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Ohh! Ahh, goodness, I'm sorry. I see it now. I suppose that the word choice threw me off. Again, the contrast that you're trying to make between Ecstacy and Lies is a little off. I'm sure you'd be able to reword it with something a little more impacting.
One thing I adore about this poem is the imagery that leads up to "she lives in n e v e rland
where nothing works
and nobody cares
her 3 wishes didn't come true
she's still here
crown of thorns
upon ruffled blonde hair
reflects her inner princess
- fucked. "
and then the perfectly-placed impact of "fucked", beautifully contrasting with "princess." Brava.
But, the final two lines. I have to admit that they seem out of place, and seem to take away from the crescendo of the poem.
I hope I make sense. =P -
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no worries hun. yeah i know what you mean about the last lines. i may change them, not sure.
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