Sitting still I feel the whir of my brain.
I feel my body shake and know I'm losing it again.
'Stop' I scream to myself.
'You can't lose it now, concentrate.'
I shake, I rock, To and Fro, To and Fro.
Inside my life I want to go.
I need to feel, I need to know.
Was I there, back then when the bogey man came?
Did I see his face, did I know his name?
'NO STAY HERE,' I scream to myself.
I can't, I'm slipping far away now....Stop me please...
I am losing my senses, receptors closing down.
I see the colour, taste the colour,
I can even feel the colour.
It's red every where, RED RED RED.
Nightmares and flashbacks make the reality real..
Is this what happened? I needed to feel.
I don't want to go back the reality sucks,
they raped her and killed her for just a few bucks!
It's gone quiet in my head, I am lost now I feel,
I don't know who I am or know what is real,
It happens when the pain inside gets to much,
and a picture of her face in my hands I clutch.
She would hold me and rock me if she were here now.
Too and fro, Too and fro.
I shut off, I am gone. Life is a blank for a while.
I wake sometime later with a sting in my eyes.
I have too let go and allow me to cry.
I lay naked and cold here alone on the floor,
the pendulum swings on the clock by the door.
Too and fro, Too and fro.
I am on the floor, cold and real.
I can get dressed now, my body can feel.
I always come too in the place where she died,
and again I commit emotional suicide.
I know the bogey man will soon be back,
to keep me my getting my brain on track.
He haunts me and taunts me to keep me broken,
so a word about him won't be spoken.
So until the fear in me fades away,
the nightmares go on for another day.
I cannot prove that I'm not insane,
it's the memories see, there always to blame!
Author notes
“everything I had is gone”
A contest entry
- PAINT WITH WORDS by Nanette.
500 points, ended March 8, 2007, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Personal Best #3 (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
360 points, ended March 21, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness, Let Me See Your Darkness by AshesFromFire.
700 points, ended July 21, 2007, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
With Myself: Option 1:
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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WOW! memories that haunt us! Geez, this was good! I felt like I was dronding while I was reading it. Bravo to you, this is amazing!
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Thankyou so much for your wonderful comment. I appreciate it so much.
~P~
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Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got. -
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I think your contest is a great idea. And I hope you hold more. It is an awsome feeling having and giving feedback on such work
P x
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wow....
this is wonderful dear. i can see why you got a trophy in this contest. you really painted a picture with this poem. i can see the scene as it plays out, and i really connected with the characters on an emotional level. wonderful work, dear. ^_^
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Thankyou so much for your comments. Really it means a lot.
Phoenix
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Written from a heart so obviously well-named ... because you will rise again, all things in time.
As to the mechanics ... the "To and Fro" was a very clever element, it draws the reader into the poem, before throwing them back out ... allows them to empathise and then, shows them that - they can never 'completely' be there. Well doe indeed and well worthy of the silver.
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Thankyou so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I am glad you liked it.
Phoenix x
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Congratulations!!
Congrats on you trophy and thank you that you entered. As I said, it was difficult to choose, yours however did speak to me! It was almost as if I can relate to the 'crazyness' to and fro..to and fro... Wow, you did not only capture the painting, but truly something inside of me too!! I thank you!! -
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WOW thankyou so much. I am really really chuffed. I am glad it touched you, thankyou for the comp and please keep up that wonderful art work, I would love the one I chose to write about, so if you ever sell them...!!!
Do you belong to Deviant Art??
Thanks again
phoenix x
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Everytime i read this, it makes me feel the nightmare!! You captured it well. THis contest is extremely difficult for me to judge as I change my mind everytime! THis was great!!!
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Thanks again, glad it sets something off in you, i think poems should do that, rather than just be good words put together.
Phoenix x
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I'm losing it again.
'Stop' I scream to myself.
'You can't lose it now, concentrate.'
I shake.
I rock.
To and Fro.
To and Fro.
this part gave me chills wow!!!
excellent write very deep and dark! -
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Thankyou so much for your comment, Glad you liked it. It is much appreciated.
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Wow! After knowing you from your bio page and reading this along with the sensation of "being there" brought on by your use of words I feel compelled to reach out and just hugg you tight hoping the nightmare would pass soon. I know its based on a picture but I can feel so much of you in this and that adds to the emotion of it.
*sigh* A bit hard to look at poem mechanics when this write moves me on such a level but I'll try. I have to agree with another in your use of "Too and for" for they are well placed throughout the poem. You fit them perfectly. But god again the emotion is astonding. You really are quite a writer. Talent, I can see it clearly and feel it even moreso.
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Thankyou again for your wonderful messages. Yes there is so much of me/what happened here. I can only tell what happened though my poems for I cannot speak the truth!! YET!!
thankyou again.
Always
Phoenix x
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this is a spooky trip into the mind of one who is tormented.
the repitition of 'to and fro' works really well too.
good writing
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Thankyou so much for your comment.
Much appreciated.
Phoenix x
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you can really feel the pain in this. Its so well written I almost feel like I'm a part of it. It flows well, and some of the lines were truly shocking like "they raped and killed her for just a few bucks." the line about the clock by the door was also one of the best lines, it grounds the whole poem, The repetition of too and fro is also a nice touch. The beginning sounds a little like a panic attack, but then it becomes a nightmare and much more fearful. a very nice write.
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Thankyou so much for your amazing comment. It is much appreciated.
Thankyou
Phoenix
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this is excellent...a Poe like feel to it with an great flow the too and fro give it a good rhythem...haunting write with good imagery as welll...thanks for sharing
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Thankyou so much, your comment is appreciated.
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Wow, this was great, I really enjoyed this!! You're impression of the painting really took you somewhere else.
Note:
Nightmares and flackbacks - Flashbacks.
Good luck. -
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Thankyou Nanette, I always find myself lost in poems that I write. I always have to go back and put in full stops and stuff!! Your poem on Tyler was awsome.
Thanks again
Phoenix x
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