The leaves are blowing on the courtyard lawn
Dancing like lovers until they are gone
She sits on a bench in the midst of it all
Watching them fly and watching them fall
Looking from the window of my flat above her
Holding a letter, I think, from her lover
She sobs as she reads each word on the page
Shaking, sometimes, with little fits of rage
My heart goes out to her, she seems so lost
Her world is shattered at such a cost
And I’d like to tell her she’ll be alright
Tell her I’d comfort her through the night
But she doesn’t know me, I’m just an observer
Watching her plight and wishing to help her
She sits a while longer deep in her thoughts
I open my window but it’s all for naught
She’s walking away and taking her pain
Carrying a heart filled with rain
She drops the letter that caused her such grief
It’s blown away like another leaf.
Author notes
Option 2
A contest entry
- ~♥~ Hopeless Romantics and Other Sad Love Poems ~♥~ by Shassidy.
525 points, ended April 21, 2008, 67 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fav Me by SomeonesToySoldier.
2625 points, ended October 8, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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wow! this is amazing, stunningly penned with perfect rhyme. Yes, the eyes of an observer can be the most percievable! Thank you for your entry
Best wishes!
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Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
-heva -
great imagery and flow good luck in all of your contests
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Wow. This is a really powerful piece! I really like all the imagery and the story that unfolds in it. Also, the rhyming in this is really great and it flows well. I really like the last stanza because it connects well with the first stanza as well as with the rest of the poem. I think the title could be a bit more inventive, but it reflects the poem well. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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very well written. i like the flow and the rhyming. and i know how it feels to want to comfort someone but they don't know you. great job.
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Very good i liked how you matched with the rhyming.
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Thts sad but sweet you did a wonderful job
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Awesome, just awesome.
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I love it!!! this is beautiful
"The leaves are blowing on the courtyard lawn
Dancing like lovers until they are gone
She sits on a bench in the midst of it all
Watching them fly and watching them fall"
"She’s walking away and taking her pain
Carrying a heart filled with rain
She drops the letter that caused her such grief
It’s blown away like another leaf."
I loved how it began and how it ended
keep up the excellent work my friend
Stevie
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A very nice piece!
Your rhyming was flawless and I found this to be just a very sweet write of wanting to comfort another soul
Thank you for being a part of the contest!
Good luck!! -
Nicely written piece. There is a clear point and sturcture to the write, it flows well and the rhyme is good. Great job.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
PS. Due to high volume of entries, I'll be using a scoring system to judge after the contest closes.
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this well-crafted piece. The rhyming is excellent and the poem has great flow. Good luck in the contest.
Bill
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As a fan of rhyme, I think you've done a fantastic job with the rhyme, as well as the flow. My absolute favorite is the opening verse, I like the imagery of the leaves you've created. Well done. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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