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This Is Really Me

Missing image

Drunk once again, or should I say always
so here I am huddled on the living-room floor
Sometimes I wished I would go ahead and die
so I wouldn't have to endure this anymore

I always hoped that they'd never find me
but somehow they always did
Maybe I should just get up and run away
become another face on the milk carton kid

Huddled and trembling as they scream at me
saying how awful and stupid I am
Why don't they see that I am not perfect
guess they were always too drunk to give a damn

So here I am today but no smarter than before
just that same trembling child deep inside
I was never able to develop any basic strength
or have any self-esteem, security, or pride

 

 

Author notes

This picture almost stopped my heart. It was cut right from my past. I am so that little girl.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Antebellum
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    'Huddled and trembling as they scream at me
    saying how awful and stupid I am
    Why don't they see that I am not perfect
    guess they were always too drunk to give a damn'

    this is really sad. Its an excellent write though
    thanks for entering,
    good luck.

  • Antebellum
    July 14
    Edit | Reply
    'Huddled and trembling as they scream at me
    saying how awful and stupid I am
    Why don't they see that I am not perfect
    guess they were always too drunk to give a damn'

    this is really sad. Its an excellent write though
    thanks for entering,
    good luck.


  • Grey Mouser
    March 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Targets of an unsteady mind, children have no place to run when confronted by such tormentors. The hollow feeling I get when seeing such as this cannot stand up to the terrible ordeal that you had to deal with. Well expressed and best wishes to you in the contest.

    Mouser


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    March 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Children are such an easy task for adults aren't they??
    Shit Jeannie...you made me cry with this one, your in my thoughts, and know I am alway's here for you

    Did you see the message of the day today??
    What? You too?? I thought I was the only one....

    XXJeannette

  • Seeking Peace silver member
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh boy, I see myself in this picture and it breaks my heart to see that you see yourself there too... makes me tremble thinking about it... you have captured the pain and emotion in this so vividly I almost stopped reading... well done

    Karen


  • dustookie2
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the way poeple treat other people the better than you can bring you down but to treat a child badly the impact it has on their young life that goes with them through life yes the do-gooders in the world can make all the excuses but nothing they can say will never take the take the words back or make that frightened child stop shaking in fear or halt the flood of tears as they doubt their worth in the world. Forgive because they area parent dont mea they know best but the being a parent never comes with the 'how to' mannual of raising children. This is one mighty powerful post hun wish i new the answer to make every child feel good about who they are and not take this baggage with them. Brilliantly pened..very heartfelt


    • JeannieD Hunter gold member
      February 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks hun, you are so right. I know parents aren't perfect either, but that doesn't take the pain and feelings of worthlessness away. Just in a very dark place today, and when I saw that picture, she looks just like me as I tried to hide from them. Got some feelings out, but there are plenty more in there.


  • Whoochi gold member
    February 28, 2007

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    awww.. the pain we put our children through with our actions..well, Believe me when I tell you, I have been on both ends and its frighteningly disgusting...such innocent victims..My 15 yr old has seen me in the worst possible drug induced behaviors that no child should see or bear witness too...Left her so afriad, insecure...By the grace of God and my program, she will never have to witness that again...or at least Today she won't...this brought back a flashback of memories that I indeed need to remember to bring me back to humility and gratefulness. excellent write..Good luck!

    • JeannieD Hunter gold member
      February 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I am sorry to hear you have experience with this. It is a shadow over my childhood. I am glad you sought help. So did my mom, but so much damage was done to me by then. Hang in there. You have acknowledged what you have done, and have gotten help, and for that you are applauded!

      Jeannie

  • deleteit
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is something no child should have to endure. Sorry to hear but glad you made it through. The write itself struck the heart strings in a way of so much heartfelt sadness. A child's plea definitely could be heard through your words.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this its differnt its amazing how people can come up with so many different poems for one picturei liked this good luck and thankyou

    • JeannieD Hunter gold member
      March 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the HM. As soon as I saw that picture, I was thrown back in time. It was just as I think of myself from those times of trying to hide from what I know was coming as my parents continued to drink. It does help to write about those feelings and not let them stay bottled up.

      Jeannie

1 - 12 of 12