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The Snow

The snow is glistening,
As it covers the ground.
It is as a whisper,
Making hardly a sound.

Everything turns white,
And for a while the land is pure.
I go outside to catch a snowflake,
I must look silly for this I'm sure.

I create new footprints,
With every step I make.
No one else has made this route,
This, only I shall take.

I'm standing still,
Along this frozen ravine.
Darkness has floated from my mind,
And left my heart serene.

 

I look out towards the rising sun,

Floating orbs pass by my eyes.

My breath is taken with just a glimps,

As colors stretch across the skies.

Author notes

Option 3 favorite season

I'm originally from Michigan and had moved to Texas about six years ago and i really miss the snow and how the sun would look upon it in the morning.

abcb

Lilrochick and i have 3 trophies.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 29 of 29
  • star wars fanatic
    April 22, 2007

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    wonerfully done

    I make new footprints,
    With every step I make.

    I would suggest replacing make in the first line with create. It would sound more flowy and less redundant.

    Other than that, though, I love this entry! It really gives me a sense of the winter season! Very good work and thanks for entering. finalist.


    • lilrochick silver member
      April 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Oh..thanks that does sound a lil repetative dosen't it. Thanks i'll work on that.

      Ro


  • lovelustre
    April 3, 2007

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    lions have pride!
    A delightful and lovely poem...I feel like I am out in the snow as I read! too cute!


  • Snappy - Doodles
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE!

    I come from New England and all this brought back old memories to me. The glistening snow and foot prints. The imagery in this is just beautiful. Your message and presentation was well written. Thank you for expressing this. It was a pleasure to read.

    Snappy


  • -LilacThOughts- gold member
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE!

    I just wish we got snow too, we used to though years ago

    Making footprints where no one has walked is the greatest thing to do...this poem brings back so many lovely memories to me, and I can see why you miss it so much...I thoroughly enjoyed this wonderful, wintry magical piece, soft and gently penned, just like snow
    Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
    You have been spotlighted today from the lionsloves lair
    ~Lilac

    • lilrochick silver member
      April 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you soo much for the spotlight! i was so surprised when i logged on. I havn't been on for a couple of days so i'm sorry that i didn't thank you earlier. Thanks so much.

      Ro


  • FisherCat
    April 1, 2007
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    forgot the bunnies,

  • FisherCat
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Lions Have Pride!!

    Fantastic!!! I live in New England, I wouldn't care if I ever saw another damn snowflake. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece with us. Congrats on the Honorable Win. Keep your pen flowing.


  • trista gold member
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!!

    I live in Minnesota, so this is a scene I see allllll winter long. I read your author's notes and realize I probably don't appreciate the snow as much as I should. As much as I say I hate the cold and snow, I know for a fact I'd miss it if I lived somewhere it didn't snow. So...thank you for the reminder that even such simple beauty as a fresh snowfall deserve appreciation. This is wonderfully written, very enjoyable to read.

    Best wishes,
    ~J.

    • lilrochick silver member
      April 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the comment. Yes i miss it a lot. i just remember how beutiful it looked and thats what i miss most.

      Ro


  • StephLippitt
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!

    You would not look silly for catching snow! It is most fun! well for about 5 minutes, and then you become a person-sicle. But Great write! definetly captures the essence of snow. woot!
    hugs,
    Steph


    • lilrochick silver member
      April 1, 2007
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      lol yeah you might..lol thank you for the comment and the little humor in there as well.

      Ro


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lions Have Pride!
    Another beautiful write. I love the snow and having snow fights. I love the rhyme in this so very lovely. I wish I could have the snow on my birthday... It should snow on my birthday but it never does as I live in England. My birthday is in January and it's only ever once snowed on my birthday which was either 1994/5 I can't remember which. Thank you for sharing.


  • pixxiepoetess
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE!!

    Beautiful imagery. I share your longing for snow. My family moved from New York to Virginia, so we barely see more than a couple of inches here, and it rarely lasts for more than a day. Your poem really hit home for me because I miss those mounds of snow. I think you captured the beauty of winter perfectly. >pixxie<


  • ShelleyA gold member
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE!

    Nice title. A beautiful write. Very good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Lovely depth of feeling. Very good word choice. Nice similie. Good alliteration and assonance. I love the picture you paint in this piece. Well crafted and a much enjoyed read.


  • Star Shine
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE

    This is great! I love the rhyme, very well done. Wonderful descriptive words, touching all senses and bringing the reader into the beautiful snowy day with you.


  • jayson48 silver member
    April 1, 2007
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    LION HAVE PRIDE!

    I live in Pa and know of snow like this poem it is sweet and i must say great job


  • poet2angels gold member
    April 1, 2007

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    LIONS HAVE PRIDE!

    Beautiful!
    I live in Texas as well, and I always pray for just a few snowflakes...
    Beautiful poem!
    Wonderful imagery!

    Lynda


  • StarEyes
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Lions Have Pride!!

    Well I am in New England, and we still get the snow, the first snow of the year isn't bad, but by March, I am ready for it to disappear. I like the warm weather and Spring, new life is about my favorite. You did a great job on this one!!! Keep that pen flowing.


  • Desire gold member
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Lions Have Pride!!

    Wonderful verse You have penned and love that rhyme
    Beautiful images and felt as if there~
    Thank You for sharing this experience with us!

    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Starswhispers silver member
    March 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I just realised that you have sent me a message independenrly with your name and the tittle to your poem sorry It escaped me when i made my comment.

  • Starswhispers silver member
    March 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You have a good grasp on the effect of snow in our surrounding and how it does make noises soft or may be it is an illusion of the mind? Well not completly as snow is like a huge white blanket. Quite a nice read with some good imagery in it. Please would you put your user name and number of trophies (HMs as well) in your author box. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • W a s p
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Mouthwatering!

    Plenty of feeling here, and after reading your notes you seem to have captured your own imagination and placed it into your pen hand very well. Top draw. WASP.

    • lilrochick silver member
      February 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Wasp and thanks for the "Key" point. lol Yes i love the sunsets that reflect on the snow it is soo beautful and i tried my best to put into words. Thank you again.

      Ro


  • Adam Straker
    February 28, 2007

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    I can't remember who the poet was, but this reminds me of a delicious poem I read many years ago, all about a London covered in snow (a rare sight of late I assure you!)
    This is especially evident in your lovely first stanza,

    "The snow is glistening,
    As it covers the ground.
    It is as a whisper,
    Making hardly a sound."

    The aliterative 's' repetitions are perfectly suited for evoking snow, I seem to remember it "silently sifting" in that poem from long ago.
    Of course, this needs to be done softly, as snow has a kind of muffling effect on things, ie. as opposed to sound pinging around on hard surfaces, it is absorbed in to this soft whiteness. And here, you have even gone so far as to use words such as 'whisper' and 'making hardly a sound', thus achieving the perfect effect for your subject.

    You then turn to the aesthetical properties, which is the right choice, and I particularly enjoed your third stanza,

    "I make new footprints,
    With every step I make.
    No one else has made this route,
    This, only I shall take."

    This idea of being, if you like, a pioneer is one I have frequently had on those wonderful occasions on which I have trodden on virgin snow, but not been able to express such things with such eloquence or simplicity! This same 'pioneer' sentiment also appeals to humans in general (the explorer/pioneer/hunter within always appreciates such ideas as this).
    The third movement (if that is the best term for it) ventures more into metaphysical concepts, which perhaps jars against the beautiful simplicity of what came before, and the manner in which it is written. But, then again, it does do well to evoke the joy and serenity of being alone when the world is at its most picturesque, and still fis in with the tone of the poem as a whole!

    Overall, a very fine piece, one that achieves everything it sets out to do, and evokes memories of genuine experience.
    Great job!

    • lilrochick silver member
      February 28, 2007
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      Wow...i was not expecting something like this from you especially from what happened before. You are deffanitly a very deep and profound thinking person and thats a very unique and beutiful quality. Thank you for you very indepth and sincere comment.


  • AutomaticAtaxia
    February 28, 2007

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    agian i love your rhyming scheme. you put me right in this place, i almost shed a tear. i live in a place that has a lot of snow, so i guess i take it for granted. great write.

    • lilrochick silver member
      February 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much. Yes i miss the snow. I get excited when we get the slightest amount here in Texas. Thanks again.

      Ro

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