My legs are broken,
I've been running for what feels like forever.
The scar's a token,
Of the days I wasted hiding in the heather.
(For so long)
I think I've forgotten,
That I've been leaving my guard down.
These flowers here are rotten,
They must be 'cause all I see is brown.
So here I am again,
Lying to myself.
It takes away my pain,
My friends, and all my wealth.
I'm left an empty shell,
Hollow lies inside.
I'm trapped here in this hell,
And my demons wont confide.
The end is very near,
But I can't get on my feet.
No one but me's here,
When I take them I feel complete.
(Whole again)
Can you find me please?
I'm tired of being alone.
Begging on my knees,
Can't you just take me home?
They take away my life,
Make me balance on a knife.
But they wont leave me for dead,
They're just playing with my head.
If none of this is real,
Why do I have to feel?
I just need an escape,
And to let my body drape...
Author notes
There you go, enjoy
A contest entry
- Fighting Addiction (Contest) by Child of an Angel.
900 points, ended March 9, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wonderfully well written
Wonderfully well written. Not being able to identify here because I have never been addicted to any drugs (which is not to say that I have never been addicted or had my vices). I felt that the writers choice of breaking up the poem lent a rythm rather than a flow and seriously felt this could be turned into lyrics and melody. Art was not meant to have rules... and for some reason artists do not like to follow them.
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I'm Guessing you live in the Northern United States? Just a passing thought- I am probably wrong. As you know this is a blind contest so I am shooting in the dark. Your pronunciation of words or the "flow", if you will, suggests you live in a very culturally "tight" region.
Well enough of my meaningless babbling- Lets go to facts:
I want to start by saying... well your title is not as appealing as it could or should be. When somebody sees your poem their eyes jump to immediate words of interest. Put a title that catches the eyes, and you get more readers. It is simple as that and I know you are aware of what I say, but I wanted to just mention it.
okay, okay- you do the abab rhyme well. What I mean to say- you can create poetic substance with a developed rhyming scheme. Don't get me wrong- all rhyming patterns are hard to master but this happens to be more difficult for a lot of people. Well, I like it and I think you do it well. Is the flow a little off? If you read the first two lines by themselves- the flow would not exist. All four lines together creates a more productive flow. Eh? Well, why do you break up these four lines into 2 stanzas? It would do much better together? I can see you are clever and have some interesting thoughts and I really think you can-will-have bring uniqueness into your writing.
"I'm left an empty shell"- Great line. It is clever.
"Make me balance on a knife"- another great line.
You also have some powerful emotions that I really enjoy. It is a very good poem and I am happy you entered it into this contest. Take my words with ease- I am being highly critical of everything because I think it can be helpful, however, the quality of your poem is great. Thanks for entering- I wish you the best of luck.
Wishing Everlasting peace,
-AtiVan
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wow kind of chilling
i really like this poem it almost sounds like a song. i'm not sure why you choose to brake up some of your rhymes and make the into different stanzas though.
i hope you win this is a truly amazing poem
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Thanks for the comment
To be honest, I'm not completely sure why I did either. I guess it just felt right at the time. But then alot of my poetry's like that. I just write whatever sounds right at the time. Even if it's not standard stuff.
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oops double post
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