These candles flicker to burnt out stubs
Just as it seems that my life does
They represent the times and phases
And the many questions that it raises
Starting out from when I’m young
And my life seems to have just begun
Wondering first about a parent
Answers seemed a little transparent
Next, at school: my first big leap
At home, all I do is sleep
Gaining knowledge through the years
Seem always to be looking through the tears
Trying drugs, thinking we’re cool
Not realizing that we’re really fools
Getting in trouble for doing things wrong
It seemed to be the same old song
Leaving school to start at work
Finding it has it’s own new perk
Leaving home to live with friends
The easy life, too soon will end
Becoming pregnant at an early age
Soon put an end to another stage
Partner’s violence became the norm
No matter what, I’d whether the storm
Finally woke up when my child got hurt
Trusting myself: could finally assert
Coping now, as a single mother
Few years on and I bore another
Different fathers, different sons
Enjoyment in watching them having fun
Met my first husband, life started anew
There wasn’t anything he couldn’t do
When things got rocky I had to run
Looks like a new life once more begun
Tried again with husband two
Lies and gambling, I said adieu
My stillborn son laid in a grave
Facing life, I’m still afraid
Found out when traveling back from Perth:
Identical twins I will now birth
Fathers gone, another marriage down
People wonder, why it is I frown
Forward looking: past can’t be undone
Family members no longer shun
I vowed: no more husbands, only mates
Time spent with friends who can all relate
Playing the field with ladies and men
Along you came, life started again
Our life together I now treasure
Time with you is indeed a pleasure
A father to my children you certainly are
You have become my shining star!
Author notes
wow even i didnt think this was in me... strange but it is what i got from the picture. had to choose this because it came from somewhere i didnt know existed
Transition
B
A contest entry
- Multi Round Contest by SensualWhispers.
450 points, ended March 8, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - x x Spill your soul to me x x by Fallen Grace.
450 points, ended March 21, 2007, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Who are you... Really? by Second Dance Reborn.
1050 points, ended November 10, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - options and sub-obtions. by sharptooth.
600 points, ended March 14, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winner Takes All.. (1000 points) by LeilaJayne.
1100 points, ended November 15, 229 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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Oh such sadness in the middle, but it's great to have a happy ending!! Poetically i think the first couple of stanzas were much better than the rest, after that it seemed to get a little forced in places but i loved the emotion that came out
Thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest... x -
this is a really powerful story, must have took a lot for you to share it. there's a lot of wisdom in this poem and sincere life experience. i like that you rhymed, but it didn't sound "sing-songy" but still flowed nicely
thanks for submitting -
Very beautiful and well written....and all this came from that picture? Even more incredible! Thank you for entering and best of luck!
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wow
your work is amazing.....havent come across your's before but i love theway you write.....i'm aussie too only ACT
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A deeply moving piece, with alot of depth of emotion. You have an incredible life story. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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I love reading your pieces, you always have wonderful and deep words, hope you are well
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I think that somewhere in this scene you took a hard look back to appreciate even more the tings you have in life today--love the sentiment
Joe
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Bravo
This poem is imensely moving, touching and so very full of Hope! It has a nice, easy, "happy" cadence. (Personally I believe you should be awarded a medal, if not for this poem, then certainly for your life struggles). Godd blsess you! bravo.... bravo... bravo......oops, I see now that I've read this poem before...and guess what? I still LOVE it!!! -
I think its only when you realized you COULD in fact stand on your own, then you can actually let someone stand by you too... life is ironic isn't it... as it seems someone good for you came when you least expected it! <3 all the very best with today and the future + with the children too... give them everything you would have wanted... that's what my dad tried to do 4 me (they'll feel it... never be scared if you love them you can't go wrong)... sorry the comment dragged on + thanks 4 entering
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The first verse started good then it just started to twindle from there. I think it mainly has to do with your rhyming and some choices of words in which you use in the structure of the lines to make those particular rhymes.
A lot of the rhyming seems forced. Some of the words (that rhyme) are evident that they are forced but the rest seemed more forced by what you write before it, rather than the rhymed word itself.
This could be extinguished some by making the entirety of the piece in a syllable count. It would seem that, if one was counting for syllables, that you were actually doing that but I counted the entirety of the piece, and though some verses keep to a certain count, the totality of the piece doesn't. I think that the piece, overall, would greatly improve if it were set in such a form.
Also, you have some lines that seem to start in one tense, and then seem to venture to another. At least, that's how it read to me.
I feel the piece as a whole could be worked on more so than if I just picked out individual lines and showed to you what I feel are forced rhymes, where meter isn't really involved, etc., because as a whole, the entirety needs work.
The storyline is fine but the form needs to be improved to help accentuate that to the reader.
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Congratulations on your award and thanks for sticking it out until the next round
a delight to have this within Panthers Race,
Thanks for sharing,
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
very good very personal
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classy and personal
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i normally don't finish poems like these. There is a sense of joy that slips through underneath the words. Also there is a sense of dedication and courage with no apologies and no whining that has it slip into my consciousness and make me stand back and say whoa. Impressive really. Glad I stopped by.
Love Tom B.
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Insufficient past prizes to qualifgy strictly speaking! Maybe I was unclear in my specification!
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Bravo
A very fine narritive poem, finely honed upon you deft whetstone of poetry. I liked this poem a great deal, even loved it! bravo...bravo...bravo...
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WOW!
That picture was quite the Rorschach test for you, wasn't it? Great trip through the very personal phases of your life thus far. Very inspirational!
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excellent...
Once again you have done a fine job! Certainly grabbed my attention and held it.
Great effort!
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oh my gosh!!!!
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This is very well written.... the rhyme and flow are excellent. I love how this unfolds the story one layer at a time. Bravo, to job well done. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
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Incredible step by step poetic disclosure of the narrator's life. If this were to be continued one day, I hope it resumes with a smile. Definitely a great choice for a trophy. Congratulation.
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Well deserved trophy !
Wow Jen, this is beautiful. I don't know how I missed commenting on it sooner. WOO HOO to a very good write
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Wow, this poem is great! I like the rhyming, it flows very well. I also like how you put what has happened in your life into words that are easy to understand.
Great Job on this poem and Good Luck in my contest! -
wow this was absolutly amazing and it really did outline the true you and the true life. it was a deffinate eye opener for me who is only 16. im glad that you found someone who made you special and the peom was brilliant thnx very much for the entry. you really expressed the hard times, the scary times, the depressing time and the happy times. good luck
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Its always amazing when we can take what we live and pen it in such a way to wring tears, smiles, and feelings-in-abundance from our readers. You were so forward, yet let us just receive but a tiny taste of all you offer. Very well written luv.
~*Starr*~ XXXX -
Magnificant..
... absolutely stunning. There isn't much wrong with this poem that I could see. It flowed very well. The rhyme was not forced and was actually well done. The grammar is great. You've done an absolutely wonderful job. 4 stars for you 
Thank you so much for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie
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Amazing write, showing you possess skills beyond what you see in yourself. Seamless transition in your thoughts, and your emotio here is stunning. I loved it!!!
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What a wonderful poem of your life and all the whoa's and tears that came with it. Beautifully penned and worded and I'm glad it came to a happy ending. Real nice flow to it, thanks for sharing it.
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amazing
this made the tears in my eyes start to flow you have come such a long ways in your life such heart ach and happness. the way you used the pic was so amazing well done my friend well done.
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Wow
This is excellent you pour out your heart turn out very well. You have done a great job of reflection seeing what was important you have done a great job I was cheering for you at the end. You have done alot with one picture thanks for sharing it with us
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This is a lovely poem you penned here. Your rhythm and rhyme flowed beautifully throughout the entire poem, well done and good luck in the contest
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WOW is an understatement for this one! The candles....My!!!! How Brilliant! Yet there's story to think about. Thought provoking. Elements of a real eye-opener. Would have to read this again. A series of life adventures that most people can relate to I guess. It's got so much in it. Power packed I swear!
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The whole poem just...flowed. It was amazing to read it all through and alll with one picture. WHew!!
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Excellent !!
This was just beautiful!! So much you have taken on in your life.. and to get all of this from a photo ..truly an inspiration to many..Thank you for sharing.
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Wow.. excellent. You really took this and ran. Ryhme was good.. flowed easily. Story spoke loudy. Blessings. Debby
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Excellent!
A brief scenario of your life, written very well and with feeling, wonderful job poet! So glad you got your happy ending. Excellent work! Thank you for sharing! By the way the candles are just beautiful!
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Yeah I know very well how a picture can just bring out thoughts and emotions. You have written them so well. Very impressive. You have caught quite a deep symbolism in the candles. Just brilliant. Good luck in the contest.
Jeannie
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nice
beutiful poem of a sad life. maybe for someone it will remain just a poem. and some other will see their life through this poem
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wowwwww a wonderful take of the pix ..i neva fort of my life as candles burning but its true life is like that..fanx u for sharin your life wif us thru this poem ...im so glad things have turned out good for you ..good luck in the contest .... cheeky
x0x
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The words in your poem reflect a trip through space and time that is your life; starting of quite innocent and harmless, but halfway of the poem a sudden change of atmostphere is described. Domestic violence is among the most treacherous crimes of this world. Institutions and organizations are unwilling to effectively deal with it, leaving victims entirely alone to sort out the horror they have experienced. This is a bloody shame to society. I am glad and relieved to read toward the end of your poem that now seem to be in a balanced, more harmonious relation. After all the ordeals you most certainly deserve some security and peace of mind. I hope you and your dear ones will remain safe and well. Thank you for creating and sharing. Take care,
U
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Such a story of a life lived and still living but this time in sunlight and not in storms and tears. Great job, I enjoyed it.
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hmmm nice i like it, it was a great read
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wow
Great peom and story. You inspired me to do a peom about my life as well. I am glad you finally found someone who truly cares for you
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i wonder how mine is burning, i love this peom and think you did a great job on it, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Good write Jen ... sad (but at least not angry) and happy at the same time. Being a single mum isn't always easy, but it is oh, so very worth it!
Enjoyed reading this one - well done.
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a grand sweep of a woman's trials
here and so much revolves around choices with the men in her orbit and that gives it a biting sense of realism..terrific writing rhyming and skillful use of words, images and symbols..very well done
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Quite a story you h ave told in these lines - a life story that has its ups and downs, it's failures and its triumphs - good rhythm and rhyme, flow and message you have shared in thee verses.
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