She wanted the taste of enchantment
on her lips since the day she was born.
But it never came unto her, not even
when she chose cherry red lip gloss.
Mastering the art of pain and bravado
under a star dies slowly and needlessly.
Kissing Aztec monsters in the morning and
at noon, she chose her life path too soon.
Wet clouds fogged her eyes, left her
blind to all those around, hidden by shadows.
Art classes, rose colored classes, misty
moments in the early morn' left her alone.
Claire was her name, barely fifteen.
Mommy guarded her, leaving lace panties unseen.
Rusty colored nails scratching away
her memories leaving herself oh so unclean.
She died in the moor buried in the dusk
of the evening of her birth...no one to cry.
She died alone...overdose of nothingness
on the evening of her birth...no one to care.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like... how it ended the most. It sort of just, dwindled away to nothing, like she did. This was really good...
loved "cherry red lip gloss"
Touching. so- oh so.
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Excellent !!
This was a wonderful poem ... I was engrosed in every line.. much talent here.. Thank you for sharing this
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In the third line, I'm not too crazy about the word 'unto'... I like how you liken the taste of cherry red lip gloss to enchantment...nice.
Um, stanza two maybe you should change the word "under" to 'while'? or maybe put 'under a star THAT dies slowly and needlessly'... I love the image I get with the line Kissing Aztec monsters... nice
did you mean to put 'rose colored glasses' in the third stanza? I like the 'rose colored classes' though because we're automatically going to think it's glasses but then you spice it up a bit with a different word choice.
I like how there's this mysteriousness about the girl until the fourth stanza when you finally give her an identity. 'Rusty colored nails' - I LOVE THAT
I love the last stanza. Simply love it.
Overall, I think this is a terrific poem. Good job
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